A little humor

Figured I’d do some mid-week funnies…

A little humor for hump day…

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS! Except that one where you’re naked in church.

Sometimes too much to drink isn’t enough.

Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.

Heaven is Where: The Police are British, The Chefs are Italian, The Mechanics are German, The Lovers are French      And   It’s all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is Where: The Police are German, The Chefs are British, The Mechanics are French, The Lovers are Swiss      And     It’s all organized by the Italians.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short-term memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

Welcome to Utah set your watch back 20 years.

In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory

The statement below is true.

The statement above is false.

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.

I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.

KENTUCKY: Five million people, fifteen last names.

I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.

Dyslexics Have More Nuf.

I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE! Sometimes I even put it in the food.

Preserve the Spotted Owl (in formaldehyde)

When you work here, you can name your own salary. I named mine, “Fred”.

Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

I like cats too. Let’s exchange recipes.

Red meat is not bad for you fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

I am having an out-of-money experience.

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!” “It’s not just one car,” said Herman. “It’s hundreds of them!”

Don’t sweat the petty things. Don’t pet the sweaty things.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines!

I FOUND JESUS! He was in my trunk when I got back from Tijuana…

Comments

A little humor — 11 Comments

  1. “Welcome to Utah set your watch back 20 years.”

    Smile when you say that, pod’nuh 😉

  2. Xs3/WSF- LOL… Actually I’d like to set it back to 1972 and hit the gun stores… 🙂

  3. Wouldn’t we all! Meanwhile, you got me big time today 😉
    I’ve been checking your blog 3 to 4 times daily for the last
    week or so for your “Payback” release, and I missed it initially. Anyway, I like gotcha’s like that, and have just ordered the dead tree version 😉 Good job.

  4. Oh I do hope that list wasn’t some psychological inventory in disguise. I laughed out loud at the feather/chicken line.

  5. Do you know what they nicest compliment you can give to a West Virginia gal is?

    “Saaay, nice tooth!”

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