The last ones…

• Teamwork is essential; it gives them someone else to shoot at.
• We are not retreating, we are advancing in a different direction.
• I’ve learned that it’s not good to talk about my troubles. 80% of the people who hear them don’t care ant the other 20% are glad you have them.
• If you have a problem with me, please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it up and shove it up your ass.
• I can eat a can of alphabet soup and shit a better argument than that.
• Wine – how classy people get shitfaced.
• Hangover – just God’s way of saying you kicked ass last night.
• I hate people that say “He’s a nice person once you get to know him”. They might as well just say “He’s a dickhead, but you’ll get used to it.”
• Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
• If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
• I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• In filling forms where it says “in case of emergency, notify” I put doctor.
• You don’t need a parachute to skydive, you only need one to skydive twice.
• You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
• Woman are like bacon; look good, smell good, taste good and slowly kill men.
• It was a whole lot easier to get older than to get wiser.
• It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
• The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.

Hope y’all enjoyed them,..