From the Naval Safety Center…

Yes, this is real. I’ve stripped off the header…

MSGID/GENADMIN/COMNAVSAFECEN/00/MAY//

SUBJ/SUMMARY OF MISHAPS//

GENTEXT/REMARKS/1.  WELCOME TO THE LATEST EDITION OF THE SUMMARY OF MISHAPS.  HEAR THOSE LONESOME COYOTES CALLING?  SEE THAT TUMBLEWEED BLOWING ACROSS MAIN STREET?  YOU GUESSED IT - WE'RE BACK AT THE NOT-O.K. CORRAL.

A.  THIS TIME, BEFORE WE GET TO THE MAIN FEATURE, WE HAVE AN INTRODUCTORY, ONE-ACT COMEDY OF ERRORS SUBMITTED BY A LONGTIME CORRESPONDENT.  EVEN THOUGH IT INVOLVES CIVILIAN GUNSLINGERS (AND 
WANNABE GUNSLINGERS), IT IS SO COGENT THAT I HAD TO SHARE IT. 
SEEMS HE WAS INCORPORATING PISTOL MARKSMANSHIP WITH DATE NIGHT 
BY INVITING HIS WIFE TO A LOCAL GUN RANGE.  THE GROUP GREW WITH THE ADDITION OF A COWORKER (AARON) AND OUR CORRESPONDENT'S 
BROTHER KEVIN), WHO IN TURN INVITED A COWORKER (ERICKA).  THOSE THREE RENTED ONE LANE AT THE RANGE.  THE MARRIED COUPLE SET UP 
ON THE ADJACENT RANGE. ERICKA ASKED AARON FOR HELP, ADDING, "ASSUME I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT GUNS."  AARON OBLIGED. HE SET OUT THE 
MAGAZINE, OPENED A BOX OF AMMO, AND TOLD ERICKA THAT THE FIRST 
THING SHE NEEDED TO DO WAS LOAD THE MAGAZINE. AARON UNPACKED HIS OWN FIREARM. THEN HE SHOWED ERICKA HOW TO LOAD THE MAGAZINE 
INTO THE GUN GRIP AND RELEASE THE SLIDE. SHE TRIED TO DO SO, 
EXCEPT IT SLAMMED A ROUND PARTLY OUT OF THE MAGAZINE AND JAMMED THE GUN. SHE HAD LOADED THE MAGAZINE WITH THE CARTRIDGES 
POINTING BACKWARD, A NIFTY TRICK THAT YOU CAN SEE BY VISITING 
THIS WEEK'S PHOTO OF THE WEEK AT WWW.PUBLIC.NAVY.MIL/COMNAVSAFECEN/PAGES/PHOTO/INDEX.ASPX. ERICKA EXCLAIMED, "I TOLD YOU TO 
ASSUME I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT FIREARMS. IT'S YOUR FAULT!" AARON 
REPLIED, "YEAH, WELL, I THOUGHT YOU WERE JOKING." I WAS SO 
PLEASED TO FIND SOMEONE ADMITTING THEY DIDN'T KNOW VERY MUCH 
ABOUT FIREARMS, BECAUSE USUALLY I HAVE TO WRITE ABOUT PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY KNOW A LOT AND THEN ACT LIKE THEY DON'T. SUCH AS THE FOLLOWING, THE LATEST IN A LONG LINE OF CAST MEMBERS OF THE NOT-OK CORRAL.

B.  OUR FIRST PERFORATED PROTAGONIST WAS AN E-5 FIRE CONTROLMAN.ABOUT A HALF-HOUR BEFORE MIDNIGHT, HE WAS AT HOME "HANDLING" HISROOMMATE'S .45 CA. PISTOL. I ALWAYS WISH IT WOULD STOP AT "HANDLING," BUT IT NEVER DOES, IT ALWAYS CONTINUES ON TO PUSHING AND  CLICKING AND SHOVING.  IN THE FUTURE, WHENEVER YOU SEE THE WORD "HANDLING" IN THIS MESSAGE, READ IT AS "MISHANDLING."  IN THIS  CASE, THE PISTOL WAS LOADED, AND IT HAD A ROUND IN THE CHAMBER, A FACT THAT HE FIRST BECAME AWARE OF WHEN HE TRIED TO REMOVE THE MAGAZINE AND SHOT A HOLE IN HIS LEFT HAND.

C.  NEXT UP (DOWN?) WAS ANOTHER E-5, THIS ONE A MACHINIST'S MATE FROM AN AMPHIB.  AGAIN, IT WAS A HALF-HOUR BEFORE MIDNIGHT, ANDAGAIN THE WEAPON BELONGED TO SOMEBODY ELSE (IN THIS CASE, A 
FRIEND). AGAIN, THE NEBULOUS VERB WAS "HANDLING," WHICH THIS 
TIME MEANT "DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO SHOOT YOURSELF IN THE 
ABDOMEN." FURTHER DETAILS WERE MISSING FROM THE REPORT, EXCEPT 
THAT A NURSE AT THE HOSPITAL WHERE THE 911 RESPONDERS TOOK HIM 
SAID THE SAILOR WAS DRUNK WHEN HE ARRIVED. HE SPENT 13 DAYS IN 
A HOSPITAL, ACCORDING TO THE REPORT, WHICH IS A LOT , THESE DAYs.

2.  OK, YOU CAN TAKE OFF YOUR BODY ARMOR, THE SHOOTING IS OVER 
FOR A WHILE.//
BT