Civility…

ci·vil·i·ty 
[si-vil-i-tee]
–noun, plural -ties.
1.
courtesy; politeness.
2.
a polite action or expression: an exchange of civilities.
3.
Archaic . civilization; culture; good breeding.
Origin:
1350- 1400; Middle English civilite
Middle French

Today, in my opinion, civility is a lost art…

Coming back from Japan I had an interesting conversation with the purser on the 777; she been a flight attendant for almost 30 years, lots of it on overseas routes. What started the conversation was a line for the bathroom, a young pregnant Japanese lady and a rude Chinese man.

We were calmly (well more or less) waiting our turn, the bathroom finally came open, and the young Japanese Lady went to step in, only to be rudely pushed aside by the Chinese man with a comment that none of us understood.

The purser happened by at that point and I said something to her about it, and asked that the Chinese speaking flight attendant come and say something to the Chinese man. The flight attendant (female) showed up, and was obviously nervous about confronting this guy.

We asked her to talk to him about pushing to the head of the line and what he said to the Japanese Lady and the rest of us. He finally comes out of the bathroom, she politely asked him why he pushed in ahead of the line. His comment back to her was obviously rude and crude as she blushed and started to bow.

At this point a couple of us ‘cornered’ the guy against the overwing door and he suddenly got real passive… We told the FA to tell this guy that kind of crap does NOT fly in the US, nor on a US airplane, and WE weren’t going to put up with his attitude. She did so, and this guy didn’t move from his seat for the rest of the flight.

Any Hoo… I end up standing in the galley talking to the purser, and she tells me it’s getting worse every day. Not only the Chinese, who apparently don’t believe in lines and routinely push to the front/insult anyone who blocks them; but younger people who ‘demand’ service, trash the airplane, drink everything they can get away with, play porn videos on the airplanes, etc.

She said it is almost routine to have an incident on every flight now, and said most of the flight attendants have ceded control of the cabins to unruly passengers, rather than get into a knock down drag out in the aisles.

So… this morning I have to go get food (that I forgot on the way home)… Lots of RABID football fans out, some of them either getting an early start on the boozing or just never quit from last night.

I grab what I need, I’m heading for a checkout line and I stop to let an older man with a cane go ahead of me. This punk (I’m not gonna say what I REALLY thought of him), goes around BOTH of us to jump the line.

The older man says to him, excuse me, but you cut in front of us; the punk responded that he didn’t give a s**t HE had things to do and we were too slow…

And proceeded to unload his basket, ignoring us completely. We just kind of looked and each other with a what can you do expression…

And then the punk’s buddy shows up, and goes to push around us…

I move over and tell him we are already in line and he can wait, he makes a smart ass comment to me and goes to push around me, when the older gent turns around lets loose with a string of invective like I haven’t heard in 30 years!!!

He calls both the punks everything in the book and then some, and says if punk #2 tries it, he’s gonna shove his cane so far up his ass he’s gonna be choking on the tip…

And he’s holding the cane like he’s ready to perform that act! Punk #2 wanders off to another line, we turn back around and the cashier is about to blow a gasket trying to keep from laughing…

I look down and the old gent’s sleeves are pulled up and I see tattoos on both arms, so I ask him what branch? Turns out he’s a retired USMC Gunny, retired in the early 70s and he’s NOT a fan of the younger folks either.

He also said he ‘should’ have given the first punk a piece of his mind! He told me he’s seen a real downturn in both civility and politeness in the last 20 years, and really the ONLY place it’s still in effect is on military bases, since the kids who are in the military still get civility drummed into them in boot and in dealings with others on base.

In retrospect, I can only agree with him… It seems like the gun culture IS truly the only polite culture left!

In other news, this is the 100th anniversary of Ronald W. Reagan’s birth.

We could really use somebody like him right now, and I don’t see anybody waiting in the wings that even comes close…

Sigh…

Comments

Civility… — 42 Comments

  1. You keep hitting them out of the park! Yesterday, then today! I’m disabled, and see this kind of behavior on a daily basis. No respect for themselves, or others.
    Thanks, again.

  2. You hit the nail on the head, and somebody should’ve hit the punk on the head too, like his parents, quite often as he got larger I suspect. (notice I didn’t say he “grew up”)
    Keep your powder dry &
    God Bless

  3. I once gave up my seat on a train to Long Island to a very pregnant woman. Before she could sit down a young yuppie in a suit jumped in the seat.

    I grabbed and twisted the tie and lifted him from the seat and asked the woman to please sit down.

    Still twisting the tie I quietly told him he needed to find another car to go to. When I turned him loose he left about as fast as he could move through the crowd. The young lady said thank you and most of the “mature” folks laughed.

    It’s still make me smile.

    Gerry

  4. When there are no negative consequences, the bully mentality flourishes. You and your fellow passenger’s action is part of what is needed. It is called guts.

  5. Oh, you wonderful man! I despise the incivility that is rampant and love it when someone other than myself actually stands up to these miscreants. It’s such a rare sight.

    Katia

  6. Many of us may not be on a grand stage like Regan was but we’re still in the wings, it’s up to us to facilitate that return to civility. Let’s not stop trying, eh? Check6

  7. I blame the lack of civility to a lack of fear. When we were growing up, we all knew that lack of manners could lead to dire consequences. And if an adult male was incivil to a lady, he could be sure that he would be either socially or physically punished for it.

    Nowadays, you can go to prison for administering the appropriate consequences for being a jerk.

  8. Alan- Agree 100%!

    George/VI- Thank you, it truly upsets me!

    Edward- Yep!

    Gerry- A ‘bit’ of leadership still works 🙂

    WSF- It’s also being called old and grumpy… 🙂

    K- you’re welcome

    Check6- Still trying over here!

    DB- Yep, but I’m here to tell ya that old Gunny was READY…

  9. In my area folks are still quite polite.

    Of course, I am fairly large, bearded, armed, and generally look annoyed.

    I wonder if that has anything to do with it?

  10. I work at a casion in SoCal. I see the same type behavior every day. Asians are the rudiest, crudest, dirtiest, most disrepectful as a group I’ve ever dealt with. Those from the middle east countries are a close second.

    My Mother would have sent me out to get a switch.

    As a side note, seems our careers pretty much mirror each other.

  11. I can’t tell you the young students in my charge learn to be civil.

    I CAN tell you they get that lesson on day one, and will continue to be pounded with it till they damn well act correctly towards others, and by that I mean as *I* think they should act.

    Once they get with the program, they get respect and courtesy in turn, which I believe sets the hook for life….. for most of them.

  12. Anon- That helps 🙂

    SoCal- Now you’re scaring me 🙂

    Carteach0- Thanks! I’m firmly convinced it’s one person at a time…

  13. I have despised most people under the age of 50 for a long time just because of that kind of crap.

    However, rudeness isn’t a trait of only the young. I’m hoping to get a post up about some rudeness I encountered today. Me & the Retired Gunny must have shared the same coffee this morning. 😉

  14. Agreed, people are getting worse and worse. It’s to the point where I hate going to the store for any reason. We keep the majority of our shopping to the big membership store or the little farm store (for when we need poultry and veggies – they’re open year round, have better prices than the grocer, and better customers). I just can’t stand to be in line around some of these people anymore.

  15. I don’t like people much, never have and never will. Being a cop for almost 40 years will do that to you. I’ve been shot at three times, had to shoot once, and the economy is such that, at my advanced age, I’m still here.

    And if you think manners are bad now, just wait until your state and the federal government starts to slow and then stop the checks for Free Cheese to the Parasites — including your friendly, neighborhood Third World Gangbanger. You ain’t seen rude yet. Instead, you’re going to see shooting, rape, riots and death.

    Invest now: brass and lead.

    You can BET that MS13, the Crips, the Bloods, Nortenos, Surenos and all Asian gangs in between surely are.

    BZ

  16. Mmmmm-kay, BUT – not ALL young folks are as described – our Progeny, recently turned 30, STILL treats people with deference & respect – of course, with my Dad {22 yrs USMC, SSgt-2ndLt, retired a Major} as her surrogate father for 18 years, and me {6 yrs USMC, enlisted}, then her step-Dad {18 yrs USMC, former DI}, she kinda didn’t have a lot of choice in the matter – but it’s stood her in good stead, time after time after time ………………… 😉

    Semper Fi’
    DM

  17. Question for BZ and anyone else involved in Law Enforcement…
    If I use my old stun gun to pacify the sort of punk you encountered at the grocery, considering the fact there are tens of video cameras recording every move we make these days, how heavily disguised do I have to be to be able to make a hasty exit and not be prosecuted?
    Is there a preferred place to zap someone so it doesn’t leave tell-tale “bite” marks?
    (A friend once told me the best place to spray CS/Pepper spray was in the hair just above the forehead so the perp gets a re-run when he/she takes a shower…
    Cops are brimming with this sort of wonderful knowedge!)
    Like you NFO, I’ve just about reached my “I ain’t takin’ anymore of this B.S.” threshold.

  18. It is just another crack in the civility of this sadly fallen nation.

    And yes, the gun culture is the most respectful and civil of all,and perhaps the last one as well.

  19. BZ- Understood, you have seen the worst we have to offer… Thanks for doing what you do!

    DM- agree, my kids are the same way, and both of them called me after reading to say THEY were smarter than that…

    SS- THanks!

    GB/CS- Agreed!

  20. Hear! Hear! Great post. This incivility problem is everywhere and involves everyone. I love it when corrective measrues are taken or prepared…

    All The Best,
    Frank W. James

  21. I use these excuses for human beings as examples of what I do not want my daughters to become.we we see them sadly much too often.I tell my girls this is what you never do.

  22. It’s a lack of respect, plan and simple. The college students I work with daily don’t respect a damned thing, including themselves. They don’t understand that anything is more important then their own wants and needs. It’s a sad comment on society.

    I had to read a book called Generation Me for work and what I got out of it was this: Kids today have been raised to believe they’re the greatest thing since sliced bread and their wants are the only things that count. It’s a lost generation, for the most part.

    cjh

  23. As an Asian, I feel I must apologize for all rude Asians everywhere. Good thing I was brought up in America at a time when they were still teaching manners.

  24. It’s not just poor parenting, look at what passes for television these days. We see people screwing each other over, beating each other up, pushing each other around, etc., etc.,-–this is what our children, and people in general, are viewing 24/7/365 so it’s no wonder there’s a lack of respect for our fellow man.

    I realize we are never going back to “Leave it to Beaver” times, but common courtesy just seems like common sense, but then again, that’s long gone too.

  25. “What is happening to our young people? They disrespect their elders, they disobey their parents. They ignore the law. They riot in the streets inflamed with wild notions. Their morals are decaying. What is to become of them?”
    Plato, 4th Century BC

  26. Frank- Thanks!

    Fuzzy- Concur!

    CJ- Good point.

    Wai- You know what I’m talking about 🙂 You are one of the good guys!

    Pamela- I believe you are right- They see the behavior and think it’s acceptable…

    CSCS- Good one 🙂 Just shows we are NOT the first ones to say it!

  27. I don’t see it too much in my neighbourhood … but when I venture forth into lower socio-economic regions unfortunately lack of civility is evident.

    I will, however, tend not to put up with it when it affects me directly 🙂

  28. Robert E. Howard got it right. Why is it the more advanced a civilization is the less civil it becomes?

    🙁
    Josh

  29. I worked as waitress/hostess in a hotel restaurant for 2 years several years ago. Had my butt grabbed my an aging music star (yes, major name). And was treated like dirt by many. Learned a whole new respect for the service industry.
    I have no patience for inconsiderate buffoons. Treat you server like dirt, you’re not getting good coffee. Just saying.

  30. “A dying culture invariably exhibits personal rudeness. Bad manners. Lack of consideration for others in minor matters. A loss of politeness, of gentle manners, is more significant than is a riot…”
    — Robert A. Heinlein

  31. It occurs to me that if Gunny’s cane had a curved grip, and he were to approach young man #1 from the rear, the upwards-facing curve of said cane would make a dandy handle when applied to the ruffian’s anterior groinal area. The technique works wonders when used with a baton (or bare hand with opposing hand on #1’s collar to assist with balance). Or am I being uncivil now? Nah…

  32. I missed this the first time around – (Thanks for pointing it out VI). Sadly, manners may well die with my generation. The only saving grace I can find is that manners are still very much the norm in rural areas. I’ve long suspected that flyover country would be the salvation of our country – and I’m d*mned sure they are the only folks I care to associate with – aside from gunnies from wherever!
    Thanks for bringing this up, Old NFO…