When insults had class…

These are simply too good to keep to myself…

When Insults Had Class

These glorious insults are from an era before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words, not to mention waving middle fingers.

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, ‘If you were my Husband I’d give you poison,’ and he said, ‘If you were my wife, I’d drink it.’

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: ‘Sir, you will either die on the Gallows or of some unspeakable disease.’ ‘That depends, Sir,’ said Disraeli, ‘on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.’

‘He had delusions of adequacy.’ – Walter Kerr

‘He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.’ – Winston Churchill

‘A modest little person, with much to be modest about.’ – Winston Churchill

‘I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.’ – Clarence Darrow

‘He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the Dictionary.’ – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). ‘Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?’ – Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

‘Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time Reading it.’- Moses Hadas

‘He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.’ – Abraham Lincoln

‘I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.’ – Mark Twain

‘He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.’ – Oscar Wilde

‘I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. If you have one.’ – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
‘Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… If there is one.’ – Winston Churchill, in response.

‘I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.’ – Stephen Bishop

‘He is a self-made man and worships his creator.’ – John Bright

‘I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.’ – – Irvin S. Cobb

‘He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.’ – Samuel Johnson

‘He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.’ – Paul Keating

‘There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.’ – Jack E. Leonard

‘He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.’ – Robert Redford

‘They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.’ – Thomas Brackett Reed

‘In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.’- Charles, Count Talleyrand

‘He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.’ – Forrest Tucker

‘Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?’ – Mark Twain

‘His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.’ – Mae West

‘Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.’ – Oscar Wilde

‘He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . For support rather than illumination. ‘ – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

‘He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.’ – Billy Wilder

‘I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn’t it.’ – Groucho Marx ‘

A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.’ – Edward Abbey

Comments

When insults had class… — 11 Comments

  1. I notice the classic insult, “Your mama’s armpits are so hairy, it looks like she’s got BuckWheat in a headlock.” is not on your list of classy insults.

    I must strive to do better. 😉

  2. I loved them all but Disraeli’s comment was the best!! I’m going to copy the list, carry it around with me, and use ’em on someone every chance I get! I know enough people around here that I can make most of them fit! Thanks Jim

  3. Snigs- my favorite was the “your mother wears combat boots” until I met a 5′ nothing little ol lady who still HAD her combat boots from WWII 🙂

    Ev- They were just better wordsmiths than we will ever be!

  4. I must tell you about the “cut down battle” I had with my father when I was about 10…Remind me to do that one day.

  5. ‘He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.’ – Abraham Lincoln

    I’ll have to remember this one for the election season. Too bad I didn’t know it when Bill Clinton was in office.

  6. I remember a comment I made while in boot camp (US Navy) to another recruit that wouldn’t stop pestering me.
    “Why don’t you go back home to your mother, I’m sure she misses the business.”
    Our Company Commander was NOT happy that the other recruit dove over the desk screaming at me when I said this. It might have had something to do with the fact that we were in the middle of a class.

  7. Agreed RT
    Tahnks Mark!
    Love it Anthema… I remember some less than stellar and much more foul comments in boot camp 🙂

  8. Love the Churchill comments. Probably one of the people from history I most like to have a drink with. Hey that gives me an idea…