Color me confused…

The following is a recap of my current identity-

I was born a white male, which makes me a racist.I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which makes me a fascist.

I am heterosexual, which makes me a homophobe.

I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.

I am a Christian, which makes me an infidel.

I am older than 65 and retired, which makes me a useless old man.

I think and I reason; therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me, which makes me a reactionary.

I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, which makes me a xenophobe.

I value my safety and that of my family; therefore I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.

I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual’s merits, which makes me anti-socialist.

I acquired a good education without student loans and no debt at graduation, which makes me some kind of odd underachiever.

I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland by all citizens, which makes me a militarist.

Please help me come to terms with this, because I‘m not sure who I am anymore!

Newest problem – I’m not sure which bathroom I should use…

h/t JP

 

Comments

Color me confused… — 21 Comments

  1. Yup – thems are puzzlers alright. “Who am I and Why am I here” (RIP Admiral Stockdale).

  2. Dear Jim;
    Thank you! Your post has sliced through the fog of whats left of my mind and given me a revelation! I have found that you must be my long lost twin brother from another mother. I am no longer conflicted and can accept who I am and am not alone anymore. My shrink, that I no longer need to depend upon will not be able to afford that Maybach he’s been jonesing.
    My only problem now is what to do with all of the “I’m With Her” signs that I’ve collected and stacked in a pile. Who do I fear more, the EPA or the local fire dept?

  3. Can’t help with most of that but the answer to
    ‘Newest problem – I’m not sure which bathroom I should use…’

    Personally I just go in the one of the corners near the doors. The only odd thing that’s ever happened is someone offered to by my ‘guerilla art installation because of it’s commentary on the oppression caused by right angles’

  4. Welcome to Oceania. Our official language is Newspeak. Your appointment tomorrow with Mr. Smith at The Ministry of Truth is confirmed.

    • RHT447 is correct. You need to be re-programmed so that you will love Big Mother.

  5. Well, from that description, you my friend are on the “out.”
    But you are in good company.

    As for the bathroom, these days, it doesn’t matter! Just go.

  6. Well, at least you aren’t confused on Father’s Day as some I know seem to be. But don’t worry, as soon as Hillary is in office, she will tell you what and who you need to be.

  7. j.r- We do what we can…

    Hymie- Dunno…LOL

    Ray- Standing by to beam up… sigh

    Roger- Obviously the EPA… 🙁

    Fork- LOL

    RHT/LL- Ummm… er… 🙂

    Gassius- Oh so true… sigh

    CP- Snerk… True!

  8. I’d say you are brother at arms and I thank you for it.

  9. All of the Above, as for the bathroom thing I’m at the age that I’ll settle for the closest one.

    BTW, I just finished “The Grey Man Vignettes,” great read. As a descendent of folks who came to the West in the 1870s (Wyoming and Utah not Texas) I recognized many of the characters from my own experience. You have now entered my pantheon of favorite authors along with Heinlein, Twain, and many others. Thank you!

  10. Which bathroom? All the Right People tell us it no longer matters, so just pick one. Or you can join the rest of us randomly clubbing males who try to follow our daughters into the ladies’ room.

    Aren’t you glad you have choices?

  11. As far as the bathroom question goes, just p155 them all off 🙂

  12. Ed- Thank you!

    Nuke- Amen to the closest one!!! 🙂 And I humbly thank you.

    Rev- Ummm… Since my daughters are 36 and 34, that probably wouldn’t fly…

    Bad- LOL…