The Grey Man, update…

Right at 90,000 words, wrapping it up now…

BUT, I need some feedback on this one, I’m not sure if it maintains interest, is too over the top, has too much/not enough detail. So reader feedback is appreciated…

Unedited, as usual…

Shootout

Aaron sighed as he turned onto I-10, Three more days of patrol, three more days of second shift, and then I get a desk. Am I making the right

A black late model Charger blew by him at well over the speed limit, and he hit the lights and siren, even as he grabbed the mic and keyed up, “Dispatch, two-oh-one, eastbound ten from Hovey Road, pursuit of a late model dark colored Dodge Charger, speeding, no plate yet.”

“Roger, two-oh-one.”

He saw brake lights come on as he closed on the car, and it suddenly braked hard and pulled off onto the shoulder. “Out with a stop, just east of Mendel Road, plate is Texas, bravo, kilo,” Aaron got out of the Tahoe and started walking up, “Uh, tango, three,” he saw movement on the passenger’s side of the car and shouted, “Stay in the car, do not…” He unconsciously moved to get out of the light, as flame blossomed three times from the passenger’s side door.

He felt an impact low on his left side, and a second in the center of his chest, as he dove for the ground, fighting to get his pistol out. Gravel spurted from the rear of the car as it accelerated off the shoulder, and Aaron managed to get off two shots as the car sped away. “Shots fired shots fired, dispatch. Charger is running east.”

Dispatch came back, “Two-oh-one are you injured?”

Panting, Aaron scrambled back into the Tahoe and resumed the pursuit, “Negative. I got two rounds off at the car. Guessing more than one occupant. Tinted windows, I was shot at from the passenger’s side.” Flooring the accelerator, he pounded on the wheel, “Come on you sumbitch, get up to speed.” The Tahoe topped out at 130, but he was closing the distance, and wondering what to do next.

He vaguely heard dispatch go out with an all call on the pursuit, stating the occupants were considered armed and dangerous. Aaron keyed up, “Passing Firestone, still in pursuit,” as he closed slowly on the Charger. “Off at Dickinson, still eastbound.” In the distance he saw another set of red and blue lights come on, and the Charger dived down a side street, “Now south on… Sycamore.” He wrestled the Tahoe around the corner, floored the accelerator again, cussing as the Charger sped away from him.

He saw a stab of brake lights, and a cloud of dust, “Attempted left on fifth, may have dumped it.” Jumping on the brakes, he manhandled the Tahoe around the corner, only to see the Charger disappearing in the distance again, “Charger is eastbound on fifth, passing the middle school.” He heard other units closing on the area, and said, “Armed and dangerous. Still east on fifth. Late model Charger, Texas tag bravo, kilo, tango, three, don’t have last two numbers.”

As more city cars and other deputies got involved, Aaron realized he was leading a parade, so to speak, as first one, then two more cars fell in behind him.  “Crossing Railroad, still east on fifth. Car is weaving,” he called, as he bounced over the tracks.

Deputy Ortiz called in, “Two-fourteen, I’ll deploy stop sticks at fifth and Rooney. In position now.”

Aaron also saw two patrol units turn onto 5th heading west, as brake lights came on and tire smoke erupted from the Charger. The driver tried to turn left, but spun and hit the corner of the bank building, as Aaron keyed up, “Ten-fiftied at Fifth and Main, car hit the bank building.” As he tried to get the Tahoe stopped, he saw a shadowy figure run toward the back of the building, “Runner headed east on Fifth!” Easing up on the brakes, he rolled through the intersection and half way to Water Street before coming to a stop. He jumped out of the Tahoe, wincing as his feet hit the ground, as he grabbed his Maglite and drew his pistol. A quick scan didn’t show a running figure, so he limped slowly toward the drive up area, scanning back and forth.

A flicker of movement caught his eye, and he turned toward it, extending the light away from his body as he did so. A black male, in a dark track suit, as visible partially hidden behind the dumpster at the back of the bank building, “Hands, let me see your hands,” Aaron yelled.

The figure crouched and Aaron sidestepped to get a better view of the man, as he yelled, “Stand up, let me see your hands!” He saw the man come up with his hands, then saw the blossom of gunfire again, and fired two rounds at the man as he felt an impact on his leg and started falling. Shit, not again! Did I hit the sumbitch? As he fell on his left side, he lost he Maglite, and rolled onto his chest, Damn, why does my chest hurt so bad? Am I having a fucking heart attack, on top of…”

He heard somebody key up, “Officer down, shots fired, Pecos County Bank.” Aaron kept his gun trained on the dumpster, but no further gunfire came from there, and he rolled over as he heard Sergeant Alvarez yell, “Perp is down. Somebody check on the officer!”

Aaron holstered his pistol and slumped back as Deputy Ortiz ran up, “Aaron? Are you…”

“I got hit in the left leg, Danny,” Aaron said as he groaned and tried to sit up, “and I might have taken one in the vest too.”

Ortiz shined his light down Aaron’s leg and saw blood on the outside of his thigh, “Looks like you were hit in the thigh.” Keying his radio, he said, “Dispatch, two-fourteen. Need an ambulance, Fifth and Water, officer needs transport with gunshot wound.”

Dispatch replied, ‘Ambulance in route. Land line please.”

Ortiz fumbled out his phone as he propped Aaron up and dialed dispatch, “Lisa, Aaron Miller was shot in the leg. He’s conscious and alert, waiting on an ambulance to transport him.” A minute later, the dying growl of an ambulance could be heard as the other officers gathered round Aaron.

Sergeant Alvarez said, “Good shoot Aaron, you nailed the perp in the head and throat. He won’t be shooting at any of us again, but I’ll need to get your weapon for the investigation.”

Aaron nodded, “They’re taking me to the hospital, I guess. Meet me there?”

“Okay.”

Aaron suddenly realized he needed to call Jesse, and pulled his phone out, thankfully it hadn’t been hit or broken, and he hit Jesse’s number. After a couple of rings, he heard her answer and said,
“Honey, I got in a shootout tonight. I’ve been hit in the leg, but I’m okay. They are getting ready to take me to the hospital. Can you meet me there?” He listened for a minute, and said, “No, I’m okay. Really. I think it’s just a flesh wound. They’re here, and I gotta go. Love you.” He slid the phone back in his pocket, and slumped back as the medic and EMT puffed up with the gurney.

***

Jesse knocked on the old man’s door, “Papa, Aaron’s been shot and they are taking him to the hospital, he called and said he’s not bad. I’ve got to go!”

The old man grunted, “Get Felicia down here. As soon as she gets here, I’ll be there.”

Jesse nodded, then realized he couldn’t see her, “Okay.” Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she dialed Felicia, hitting the speaker button as she grabbed her purse and looked for a jacket, “Felicia, Aaron’s been shot and is on the way to the hospital. Can you or Matt come watch the kids until I get back?”

Felicia replied, “Of course, any idea how bad?”

“Aaron called and said he was hit in the leg. That’s all I know right now.”

“Give me five minutes and unlock the back door.”

“Okay, Papa will be here.” With that, Jesse hung up the phone, dropped it in her purse, and checked to make sure she had her credentials and her pistol. Boo Boo whined, sensing something was wrong, and Jesse said, “Quiet girl, don’t wake the babies, please.”

The old man came out of his room, buttoning his shirt, “Felicia on the way?” Jesse nodded and he continued, “Go, I’ll catch up with you there. Drive careful.”

Jesse grimaced, “I will, I just hope…”

“Go.” Jesse headed for the door, and the old man called the dogs, “Yogi, Boo Boo, come.” He walked through the kitchen to the back door, opened it, and let the dogs out. He headed for the office, pulling his gunbelt off the rack, and buckling it on. He slipped the radio out of its charger, turned it on, and headed back to the kitchen as he heard the dogs nails scrabbling on the floor. He met Felicia in the kitchen and said, “Thank you for helping out.”

Da nada, Señor. I pray Aaron is okay. Please go and don’t worry about the babies.”

He nodded and headed for the door. As soon as he got the car started, he keyed the mic, “Dispatch, Car four, enroute hospital.”

“Car four, dispatch, copied all. Sheriff has been notified and is also enroute.”

“Rangers been called?”

“Ten-four. ETA is one hour.”

***

Ranger Michaels leaned back in the chair note pad in his lap and reached up, shutting off the recorder sitting on the hospital table, “Thanks Aaron, I appreciate your willingness to give me a statement, especially right now, and without a lawyer present.”

Aaron started to shrug his shoulders, but said, “Ow, dammit. No problem Levi. I’d rather get it over with, and hopefully it’s all on the dashcam and body camera.” Glancing over at his prosthetic lying on the floor, he said, “Not sure what I’m going to do about that. You need it for evidence?”

Michaels looked at it and asked, “Why?”

“Jesse?” Jesse picked up the prosthetic and handed it to Aaron, as the foot dangled loosely. “He shot me in the foot, in addition to the thigh and the vest.” Wiggling the foot, he said, “It’s not supposed to do that, Levi.”

Michaels replied, “Maybe. Can I take it with me? Do you have a spare?”

Aaron nodded, “This is the spare, my good leg is getting maintenance at Fort Sam. But I’ve got a running leg I can use in the interim.”

Sheriff Rodriquez said, “You’re on admin anyway, until the investigation is completed, so it’s not like you’re going to be doing any patrolling. Levi, you need anything else from us?”

Michaels said, “Not right now. I’ve got to go do the scenes. Downtown first, then back out to the original scene. Apparently, Sergeant Alvarez pulled a goodly amount of cocaine out of the car, and they found another gun in the driver’s floorboard.”

Aaron asked curiously, “Did they get the driver?”

The sheriff and Ranger looked at each other, and the sheriff finally said, “He died at the scene. Apparently you got a round into him, and he broke his neck when they crashed. No seatbelt.”

Aaron grimaced, “Damn, I didn’t know that.”

The sheriff shrugged, “You were a bit occupied at the time. Doc Truesdale says he’s going to keep you overnight, just in case. He’s a little worried about the chest trauma from the two rounds in the vest, and he’s got to stitch up the thigh wound.”

Aaron grunted, “Yeah, they do hurt like a bit…”

Jesse said, “You can say bitch. It’s not like I haven’t heard that before.”

Aaron sighed, “I know, but I’m trying to clean up my language, especially around the kids. Speaking of that, who?”

The old man answered, “Felicia is watching them. I’m going to leave Jesse here with you, and I’m going to go examine the scenes with Levi.”

Doc Truesdale strolled in, “Are you done with my patient to the point I can hit him with some good drugs and let him get some rest? I swear, I spend more damn time patching up you Cronins than I do anybody else in town!”

The old man picked his hat up, “He’s all yours Doc. I have to go to work, no thanks to Aaron. You and Jesse can fight over him.”

Doc rolled his eyes, “Okay John, I’ll get him patched up and leave him to Jesse’s tender ministrations.”

***

The old man pulled in behind the Ranger’s Tahoe, and climbed slowly out, noting the police tape surrounding the car, stretching down the street to Aaron’s Tahoe, and into the drive through behind the bank. He saw that the city had a couple of portable light stands set up, and after he signed in, he made his way over to Sergeant Alvarez, who nodded, “Captain.”

“How goes it Sarge?”

“Lucky. Aaron was lucky, not once, but twice. And he took the brunt of it, rather than our officers. Hate that he had to put the perps down, but I don’t see it as anything but a good shoot.”

“Got time to show me the scene?”

“Sure. The Ranger is out back. He’s already done the car and driver.”

They walked over to the crumpled dark gray Charger, the driver’s side door bent around the corner of the bank building. Alvarez bent down and pointed to the back door behind the driver, “Both of Aaron’s shots went in there,” walking around the other side of the car, he shined his light and pointed, “See the blood on the wall? Best guess is the driver broke his neck when he hit the wall with his head. When they pulled him out, he had one round in mid-back, probably got the lung. Car spun a one-eighty trying to make the corner, but it was already weaving the last couple blocks after they crossed Railroad. We’ll have to wait for the autopsy, but I’m betting he was bleeding out the whole time.”

The old man shined his light in the back, whistling, “Damn, good amount of drugs. Y’all already tested any?”

“City did, came up pure coke.” Ranger wanted it left until he can get enough pictures then we’ll have to weigh it, test all of it, and put it in evidence.”

“Any ID on them?”

“Yeah, two brothers out of Houston. Crips, from the look of them, between the tats and the colors.”

“Brothers? As in?”

“Actual brothers. Twenty-one and twenty-three, both out on parole for drug dealing. From the packaging, looks like they’d made a deal with Sinaloa and were doing a pickup and run back home.”

“So felons with guns. What a fucking surprise,” the old man said in disgust.

Alvarez shrugged, “Yep. Anyway, perp number two ran around the back of the building.” He and the old man walked down the side of the building and stopped at the back corner, looking at a dumpster pulled out at a 45 degree angle, pointing, “Perp two hid there. Aaron’s truck is where he stopped and got out, he was moving laterally toward the drive up.” Alvarez shined his light in the general direction of the drive up lanes, “About twenty yards from perp two. He said he caught movement and turned. Perp shot at him, he shot back, and won the battle.”

“Any idea where the perp’s rounds went?”

“Found a couple of chipped bricks in the front of the library. That’s probably where they went. Didn’t see any spent bullets, but who knows where they might have ended up.”

The flash of a camera momentarily startled the old man, and he looked sharply at the dumpster again, seeing Ranger Michaels standing up, camera in hand. “What are you finding, Levi?”

Michaels looked over, “Did you sign in, Captain?”

“Sure did. Sergeant Alvarez has been giving me the ten cent tour.”

Okay, come around in front of the dumpster at least ten yards out. I haven’t gotten all his tracks marked yet, but I don’t think he went that far. Maybe two-three yards.”

The old man stepped carefully to where Levi pointed and saw a body slumped against the wall, a Glock lying on the ground, and a splatter of blood just about where the top of the dumpster would be.

Michaels walked over, “Two rounds, one in the throat, one centered in the forehead. That is some impressive shooting on a two way range, in the dark. Aaron must not have any nerves, or he’s just flat crazy.”

The old man shook his head, “No, he’s been in combat multiple times. He’s a former Marine Sniper, four, no five Silver Stars. His last go round, he took out a dozen or so Taliban, at bad breath range, in an alley, that was his fifth. I’d guess a one v one was a relief to him, and he was probably pissed they’d already hit him in the vest.”

Michaels whistled, “Didn’t know his background. I knew he was in the Corps, but he never said anything.”

“Just like you don’t talk about flying Harriers with folks that haven’t been there.”

Michaels ducked his head, “Point taken. Still impressive shooting.”

“Yep. And Aaron practices religiously. As do Jesse and Matt.”

“Good to know.” Looking over, he said, “Sarge, can you tell the medics to bag this one, I’m done with him, but he needs to go to the hospital for an autopsy.”

Alvarez turned and yelled, “Medic up! Bag ‘em and tag ‘em.”

Michaels chuckled, “Gotta love ‘em. Now I’ve got to go find the first scene.”

The old man smiled, “Obrien is sitting on it for you. Just park behind him. You need any help?”

“Nah, I’ve got it. Just got to finish the documentation, and if I’m lucky, get home before the kids wake up. It’s supposed to be my turn to fix breakfast.”

“Good luck with that. Thanks for coming as quickly as you did.”

“No problem, tell Aaron I hope he gets better quick.”

“Will do, good night Levi.”

The medics came up, rolling the gurney and the Ranger pointed to the body, “All yours. The Doc is waiting on him.”

The medic nodded, “Got it. We’ll have him there in twenty minutes.”

The old man turned to Alvarez, “Well, I’m going to go to the house. Thanks for your support, as always.”

“No problem, Captain. It’s a team effort. I’ll sign you out. Tell Aaron we wish him the best.”

“I will. Thanks.”

Comments

The Grey Man, update… — 34 Comments

  1. The writing and story draws the reader in, as usual. Doesn’t seem like an excess of detail. I look forward to reading the next installment of the Grey Man series. As they say, take my money! And Merry Christmas to you and yours!

  2. Thanks for the teaser sir. It sounds like a good read.

    Hope the Christmas season is a peaceful one, it came really fast this year for me. 2018 is already here …

  3. Looks great, so far. Can’t wait to send you some more of my money!

  4. Wow.
    When my heart slowed down I went back for the nit picky read.
    In my organization the Streamlight Stinger had totally replaced the Maglite as a duty flashlight.
    I am concerned about Aaron making a statement immediately after a shooting, after he has been shot, and while possibly he is under the influence of painkillers.

  5. Grabbed me right from the first sentence. Can’t wait for the rest. Detail seems perfect to me, you set the scene without dragging it on.

  6. My one quibble: “bank building” twice in two
    sentences.

  7. Good read. As noted above, draws you in and holds you.
    Merry Christmas Jim!

  8. Reads just as good as all the other installments in this series! Looking forward to reading this one when it comes out as well.

    J.D.

  9. Agree with the others, above. Good read; perfect amount of detail. Since it’s POV, it doesn’t read like a crime scene report. No problem. 🙂

  10. I think the details are what pull us in. On the nit picky side, my agency and pretty much all around here have switched from Maldives to rechargeable lights of one brand of another. Mine we t to streamline stingers also. Also, a cop is going to assume he has injury from a vest hit. They hurt like hell. And responding officers will act as if it is an actual chest sound u too proven wrong in the ER. This means the most probable course when the gunfire stops is a very hot run to the nearest hospital with Aaron in somebody’s backseat. The only likely change is if there are two treatment locations nearby and one is better than the other (a level one trauma hospital versus an after hours clinic for instance) then the longer trip to better care is likely. Cops see too many people bleed out from “minor” wounds while waiting for the ambulance, they will transport their own.
    All in all, a good read. I’m looking forward to buying it in the first round. Thanks.

    • maglight instead of Maldives and streamlight instead of streamline. I hate auto correct!

      • I had OttoCorrupt change “medivac” into “Medi-Care” in an article I wrote about flying fixed-wing medivac. Every. Single. Time. You can imagine what it did to medical and aviation terms!

        As I tell students: Spill-Chuck is knot you’re fiend.

  11. Good read, not a cop and never been shot, but He sounds too composed to me. I get not noting the vest hits while the the adrenaline is pumping, but as soon as he starts to come down, I’d expect that to hit him hard.

  12. I ate it up.
    I’m always nervous now, when I read about good-guy cops shooting bad-guys, that there is gonna be a storm because …something. From the details you gave, it sounds like he is well protected.

  13. I really enjoy this series and the last time a new book came out I re-read the previous books in order just to get up to speed. I am looking forward to the new book and enjoy the adventures knowing that good action scenes have a lot of fast moving detail to pull the reader along.

    You might make mention of the fact that the speed limit on that part of I-10 is 80 and most all the traffic is moving between 85 and just under 90 so the speeder will be moving fast and a pursuit cop will take a bit to close the distance. I don’t know anything about police pulling cars over, would Aaron wait until he was up over the speed limit to go to lights and sirens because it would take him a bit of time to close the distance. Also I think most stock Chargers have some sort of limiter thing that kicks in about 117 mph so that would help the Tahoe overtake the Charger. My input and advice is worth just what your pay for it because those are just my impressions and I am the kind of reader who likes a lot of detail, especially when it is correct.

    I am looking forward to your new book.

  14. All- Thanks for the comments, I’ll correct the light, and flesh out, so to speak, the injury parts. TxRed, oh hell yes… sigh…

    Posted from my iPhone.

  15. Good read, as usual.
    The two rounds through the back, side door as they were taking off kinda confused me. My mind picture thinks all he would see was the back of the car.
    ‘Course my mind is one of a geezer…so there’s that.

  16. Would CPT Cronin call Sgt. Alvarez by his first name, instead of Sarge? He’s known all the police and deputies involved, probably since they were a gleam in their parents’ eyes. This is the point in the investigation where the Captain ghosts in, quietly asks Miguel, Jesus, Jose, etc. about status, and makes sure his grandson-in-law is 1) still breathing and able to face his granddaughter, and 2) surviving a good shoot. Emphasis on point 1.

  17. Hey Old NFO;

    Any quibbles I might have had, the other posters already gotten to. Very good read…Now Hurry up, LOL. Now if you want to add, when they ran where the glock came from that the shooter used, you can use either from fast and furious or it got pinched off some overarmed febbie ,gov agency…

  18. A couple of nits but overall the writing really grabs you.
    First nit: “C’mon you sumbitch get up to speed” did not sound like something Aaron would say. In my mind it would be more on the order of “C’mon you sumbitch get going dammit”

    Second nit: Five Silver stars doesn’t match what my memory is telling me. A bit more than is realistic.
    Like i said very nit noy quibbles, overall it is a great read and I am really looking forward to the book coming out.

  19. Psycho- Good point. I can fix that…

    Bob- LOL

    Sendarius- Almost done…

    Ed- Good points, I can fix that too. Thanks!

  20. Loved this short scene. The earlier commenters covered most of the important nits, but since you asked for comment, I will, though most of mine are on words / structure / clarity.

    * As Skip noted, I wondered how the passenger fired and hit Aaron without being almost out of the car, firing through the back window, or was Aaron coming up on the passenger side?
    * The hits to the vest – I think that they should have done more damage / pain / disability / shock – compare to when Jesse was similarly shot.
    * Names and characters change quickly – Ranger Michaels, later referred to as Levi, Alvarez, later referred to as Sergeant, is he a City cop? if so, when he tells John Cronin about the drug testing, it should be “we did” instead of “City did”
    * Rephrase – “Does Aaron have no fear, or is he just flat crazy?”
    * Rephrase – “He has seen a lot of combat” Medals already discussed above, but it might be 3-4 Purple Hearts, a Bronze Star or 2, and a Silver Star? or ?? for the last action.
    * Delete the And – “Yep. And Aaron practices…”
    * change the “one v one” to “one on one” It made me stop to translate.
    *In the alley shooting, you might indicate which side the shooter came up on, and also say that “he got up”, not mentioning his hands coming up unless there was enough light for Aaron to also see the gun coming up.
    * in the chase “Aaron also saw” doesn’t need the “also” –
    * The spin out of the left turn for the drivers’ side to hit the bank building seems odd –
    Most of the small towns I have been in (outside of snow country) don’t have streets wide enough for a car to fully spin that way, and many of the older banks on corners have either entrances at the corner or street light / signal poles there.
    If the car is skidding on locked brakes (would it have anti-locks?) could it get far enough into a turn to spin? Or would the driver have tried to go left, failed, corrected to go straight, failed that and hit a pole / building?
    * The running figure might be better as “dark” than as “shadowed” as he would be in multiple headlights.
    * as John in Philly noted, Aaron making his shooting statement immediately at the hospital, before treatment seems out of character – especially when compared with other books where Billy Moore instructs people what not to say – This might be explained by having Aaron tell _his friend_ Levi “well, I trust YOU”
    But still, two chest hits, even on the vest, plus a leg wound, should have him feeling much more pain, and would probably have the doctor pushing him into an MRI to see if there is any damage to his heart, lungs, internal bleeds, etc.

    I love the great visuals in this, as in all of your writing. Looking forward to buying this – soon, I hope.

    Sorry if I picked too many nits. You are, after all, the author, which is why I like to read your books. Thanks.

    JPDev – John Sage

  21. If I am honest I missed all of the things the others picked up on, all I could think of was “why can’t I find it on Amazon” can’t wait to read this one, I loved the others.
    merry Christmas

  22. One (minor) nit to pick here – 5 Silver Stars? Pushing your character towards Col.David Hackworth realms, just a little? Other than that, all as it should be i.e. I could not stop reading until I crashed into the end of the excerpt…
    Looking forward with eagerness to being able to pre-order for my Kindle, and may I say “MORE PLEASE”.. 🙂
    Wishing you and yours a Happy Christmas and a peaceful New Year.

  23. NFO:
    Given that I’m a tough grader:

    Works fine as is.
    I wouldn’t change a thing.

    And re: JPDev’s comments.
    We don’t do MRIs emergently except in the rarest circumstances, and that’s in the biggest big city area. You likely wouldn’t find one, let alone open and staffed, outside Dallas or San Antonio, though I defer to locals in TX on that score. They also take too long.

    If there was any question regarding injuries, it would be a CT chest/abdomen. Maybe (doubtful) also a venous ultrasound of the injured leg, but not likely.