Sunday Funnies…

Posted on by April 14, 2018
  1. How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A1.  None.  They screw in a hot tub.

A2.  None.  Somebody organizes a workshop on how to deal with darkness in your life.

A3.  21, one to change and 20 to share the experience

 

  1. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
  2. Only one, but the lighbulb has to want to change.

 

  1. How many surrealist painters does it take to change a lightbulb?
  2. A fish

 

  1. How many male chauvenist pigs does it take to change a lightbulb?
  2. None. let her cook in the dark.

 

  1. How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
  2. Four.One to actually change it, and 3 friends to brag to about how he screwed it.

 

Q…How many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb?

A…How many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

  1. How many red necks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  2. They can’t because they are too busy complaining about how all the blacks and mexicans are getting the good jobs cause of that affirmative action shit.

 

  1. How many paranoid people do you need to change a light-bulb ??
  2. AND WHO’S ASKING ???!!!!

 

  1. How many pot growers does it take to change a lightbulb?
  2. None – They use flourescent tubes!

 

  1. How many women with PMS does it take to change a lightbulb?
  2. Six
  3. Why
  4. IT JUST DOES O.K !!!!!!

 

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One, who gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing it to an earlier riddle.

 

Q: How many topologists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: It really doesn’t matter, since they’d rather knot.

 

  1. How many psychoanalysts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  2. How many do you think it takes?

 

  1. How many Nebraska Cornhuskers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  2. Only one, but he gets 3 hours credit for it

 

  1. How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  2. It depends on what kind of insurance you have

 

Q: How many straight San Francisco waiters does to take to change a lightbulb?

A: Both of them.

  1. How many Christians does it take to change a Light bulb?
  2. none, they just stay in their darkness and pray to their non-existant god to do it for them

 

  1. How many gays does it take to change a light bulb?
  2. Seven.  One to change the bulb and 6 to shriek, “Faaaabulous.”

 

  1. How many Japonese does it take to change a light bulb?
  2. None.  They have machines to do it automatically.

 

  1. How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
  2. Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

 

  1. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.

A2: You won’t find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you’re  looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb…

A3: How many can you afford?

A4: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer”, and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb”,do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position  ect… ect…ect…..

 

  1. How many Sicilians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
  2. Two.  One to screw it in, and one to kill the witnesses.

 

  1. How many OJ jurors does it take to change a light bulb?
  2. None of them believe it is broken.

 

  1. How many particle physicists does it take to change a lightbulb?
  2. One. Two to change the bulb and three to renormalise the wavefunction (if you don’t understand it, study quantum mechanics).

 

  1. How many perverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
  2. One… but it takes the entire staff of the emergency room to remove it.

And then there’s ‘product’ placement…

‘Projecting’ much??? 🙂

Comments

Sunday Funnies… — 18 Comments

  1. Hey Old NFO;

    Some of those are pretty good, but some of those would have gotten the *Groan* key…

    YOu could have added “How many millennials does it take to change a light-bulb?
    Answer “One to hold it in place and watch the world revolve around them as it seats into place, and 5 others to witness the act and retreat to their safe place….

  3. You cannot screw in a light bulb.
    There isn’t enough cubic space.

  4. Q – How many blacks does it take to change a light bulb?
    A – Three. One to shoot the light out, one to hump the empty socket, and one to eat paint chips while playing with the switch.

    Q – How many Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
    A – Six million. Whatever they get asked, it’s always six million.

    Q – How many wetbacks does it take to change a light bulb?
    A – One to change the bulb, four fake identities to sign up for welfare benefits, twenty relatives to live in his one bedroom apartment, and ten thousand taxpayers to pay for it.

    Q – How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?
    A – Just one, but OSHA regulations mandate four safety spotters, a HAZMAT manager, a safety consultant, scores of training certifications, and $52,000 worth of equipment. So he pays the wetback five bucks to do it off the books.

  5. Q. How many government bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?

    A. We haven’t assessed the impact in order to fully quantify the number required; however, we have determined that we need to fund another study.

  6. Politically incorrect as hell. I love it! By the way:

    Q. How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?

    A. Two. One to fix the martinis and one to call the electrician.

  8. 1 how many computer programers does it take to screw in a light bulb
    2 none it’s a hardware problem

  12. Q: How many Feminist does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: THAT NOT FUNNY!

    Q: How many Southerners does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Four. One to change it and 3 to reminisce how much better the old one was.

  14. How many germans does it take to change a light bulb? – One. We are efficient and have no humor.

    How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb? – Doesn’t matter, they won’t turn it “right“.

    How many palaestinans does it take to change a ligh bulb? – One israeli.

  16. Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: Don’t mind me, I’ll just sit here in the dark. Don’t worry if I break my hip or something …

    The last one on your list was not a joke, Old NFO. I have too many friends among ER doctors and nurses. The number of HIPAA-sanitized stories (after Lawdog’s 2 beers) about extractions of all types – *shudder*