Some sequestration ‘humor’…

A random selection of various ‘humorous’ out of office email responses from various locations…

1. I’m currently out of the office on furlough. If you don’t understand what this means, please go to your bank, take out 20% of your last paycheck and burn it….

2. I’m currently out of the office on furlough. I will be sitting at home sipping on Jose Cuervo, because it’s at least 20% cheaper than the good tequila.

3. I am currently out of the office on furlough. I am not allowed to do any work that would be related to my job. However if you need some manual labor, you may find me at Home Depot parking lot. Strong back, work cheap, se habla español.

4. I am currently out of the office on furlough. I have incredibly easy access to a phone and email, but I assure you, I cannot & will not use it for work purposes.

5. I am currently on furlough, and now care 20% less that I am not available to respond.

6. I am currently on furlough, but appreciate the solidarity of congress members for their support. Rep. John Bohener has announced he will now reduce his use of spray-on tan so he will be 20% less orange.  In solidarity, I will cry 20% more.

7. I am sorry, I am currently out of the office on furlough, which has Reduced all DoD resources by 20%. For further information, plea….

8. I’m on furlough, which means I am not getting paid. Bite me.

9. I am currently out of the office on furlough. You cannot contact me, that is illegal.

10. I am currently out of office on furlough. 20% of all incoming messages will automatically be deleted.

11. I am currently out of office on furlough. Enjoy your reduction in government provided services.

12. I am currently out of office on furlough. If you need to contact me I’ll be on the corner of K and 10th with the DFAS coffee cup, panhandling.

13. I am currently out of office on furlough. Since I am not being paid, please contact someone who is.

14. I am currently out of office on furlough (defined in the government Thesaurus as being on vacation or the government dictionary as having been laid off). If you need assistance contact a government contractor or military person who is still working and being paid for it.

15. I am currently on furlough and prohibited by law from checking my e-mail, so you will not get a response to this message. As opposed to when I am not on furlough, and am just ignoring you.

16. Hello, I am currently out of the office on furlough. I would ask you to contact my boss or his/her boss for assistance, but they are out on furlough too.

17. I am currently out of office on furlough. It is forced time off without pay. Please contact Congress for assistance. They are actually not working, but still getting paid for it.

18. Hello, I am currently out of the office on furlough. Please contact CNN for assistance. They know all of the solutions and answers, but no one listens.

19. I am currently on furlough, since it is illegal for me to answer email, I’m made a rule so all incoming email today goes directly to my Deleted Items folder.

The impacts (at least on the Navy) are pretty significant from the folks I’m talking to… And will only get worse apparently since there is another $52B cut coming in FY-14 along with the probability of mandatory furloughs continuing next year.

Comments

Some sequestration ‘humor’… — 13 Comments

  1. Somebody close to me works at NAVSEA. Equipment coming in for repair (in many cases) is shipped directly back to the fleet with notations that there is no money to repair it.

    None of this had to be, but POTUS is the moral equivalent of skunk stool. So we have to live with it.

  2. Our furloughs were canceled, but there’s concern that we may head into a government shutdown. I’m trying to decide which one of those I’d like to use if it happens…

  3. LL- Yep, and those are just ‘critical’ pieces that are getting shipped in… Sigh

    WSF- Yep, short to the point… :-)

    PH- Yep, gonna get REAL interesting…

  4. Priceless.

    I was gonna implement some of those at my office, but then realized that they’d get mad. But then I thought “what can they do to me? Dock my pay 20% and send me home?” So I did it. #8. Have a nice day.

  5. Makes me wish we’d had e-mail back during the Arab oil embargo in the ’70s. The whole squadron sat in port, tied up to our “relocatable” pier (it wasn’t) for six months.

  6. Wouldn’t it be nice if Obama got into Air Force One for a Fund-Raiser in San Francisco and they had to land in Cheyenne when the Pilot turned around and said “Sorry Mr. President, but due to Budget Cut Backs, we can only take you 80% of the way there. But I’m SURE you can find some Campaign Donations in Wyoming”.

    • I don’t think that the president would ever disembark in “fly over country” where the natives are hostile.

      BUT I like the idea of the sequester applying to presidential vacations… HAHAHAHAHA as if that would ever happen.

  7. During the Clinton-Gingrich pissing match I heard the following.
    “Hello, I’m non-essential. Don’t bother to leave a message.”

  8. You say the is a flight of missiles and planes on the way to our shores and a fleet of ships just over the horizon? I hate it, but we are on furlough. Can you call back tomorrow?

  9. Murph- Yep, that would be MY choice!

    Rev- Yeah, heard that… :-) Of course ‘our’ out of office wouldn’t have been even CLOSE to PC… Just sayin…

    Tim- That too!!!

    Les/LL- If only, of course THEY are exempt!

    Stretch- Heard that!

    CP- It’s actually call back MONDAY!

  10. Do yourself a favor, buy some Hornitos and drink 20% less.
    Your head will thank you.

    Hang in there,
    gfa