As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember:
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It’s called “Ministers Do More Than Lay People.”
2. Transvestite: A Guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
3. Difference between the Pope and your Boss: the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is, if you’re in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drinkspilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there’s shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house. Ha Ha Ha!!!
9. My next house will have no kitchen – just vending machines and a large trash can.
10. A blonde said, “I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid.”
11. I’m so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
12. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told himrabies could be treated, and he didn’t have to worry about a Will. He said,”Will? What Will? I’m making a list of the people I want to bite.”
13. Definition of a teenager? God’s punishment for enjoying sex.
As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters neverpoint the wrong way…
I am sooooo Linking this 🙂
Glad you like it Mark… 🙂
And to add those those self help phrases. . here is a list of self help books for sale on the $5 rack at Barnes and Noble.
The 432,678 Habits of Highly
Successful Obsessive-Compulsives
The Gospel According to Thundercats
Oh, the Places You Can’t Go since the Accident
It’s Not Slander if He Actually Is Retarded: 101 Legal Tricks for the Self-Taught Lawyer
Portuguese People You Might Know
Can We Communicate with the Dead? No.
You’ll Never Be Famous, You’ll Never Be Rich, You’ll Never Have That Threesome: A Man’s Guide to Facing Facts
Harry Potter Meets the Groovy Ghoulies
The History of the Allen Wrench from the Ikea Bookshelf to the Ikea TV Swivel Stand
Winning Her over through Tears
“I Could Pee on That” and other Poems by Dogs
The Peter Max Code
Losing Weight through Sensible Eating and Regular Exercise
Things Are Going to Get a Lot Worse before They Sort of Plateau
Financial Freedom through Bar Bets
The Over-50 Person’s Guide to
Tying Up Loose Ends
Wicca: Your Last, Desperate Attempt in Believing that Some Greater Force Is Somehow
Responsible for How Your Life Has Turned Out
So Now You’re a Parent. Big Whoop.
Scully
Funny! 🙂
Good ones Scully…LOL