Sarcastic Letters…

I had a nice little rant all ready to go, and I figured why bother… Others are covering all the BS going on much better than I, so how about some ‘humor’…

Short Sarcastic Letters!!!

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear Yahoo,
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just saying…
Sincerely,
Google

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WHAT happened?!
Sincerely,
1985

Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely,
Unimpressed

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely,
Stevie Wonder

Dear Nickleback,
That’s enough.
Sincerely,
The World

Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain…..no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely,
Sarah Palin

Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son’s virginity.
Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere

Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely, Superman

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Global Warming,
You’re the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely,
Al Gore

Dear Mr. Gump
What are you talking about? There’s a little diagram on the lid that tells you EXACTLY what you’re gonna get….
Sincerely,
Jenny

Dear Haiti/Japan
Is it too early to ask what’s shakin’?
Sincerely,
Seriously Going To Hell

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up…
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Human,
It’s cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant

Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there’s only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper

Comments

Sarcastic Letters… — 17 Comments

  1. Funny stuff and +1 on the Nickelback! Yes, I am at school but the students don’t know what I am typing!

  2. Love ’em.

    I heard one of these with a slight variation.

    Dear Icebergs,
    Sorry to hear about global warming.
    Ain’t karma a bitch?
    Sincerely,
    The Titanic

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  4. Dear World,
    Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
    Sincerely,
    The Mayans

    Funny, that is pretty much what our Mayan/Mexican guide told us when my wife and I visited Mayan ruins in December.

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