Trillion with a T…

This evening (Feb. 14th), Fox News will be airing an exclusive investigative report “Trillion With a ‘T’: How to Spend $1,000,000,000,000“.

Since I don’t have anything better to do, I’m gonna watch and see where my money is really going…

h/t JR over a Keyboard and a .45

And in honor of Valentines Day… a little humor-

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?” “No,” she answered. I then said, “Is that your final answer?” She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying “Yes.” So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

And that’s when the fight started….

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”

And that’s when the fight started….

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man ‘Holy Crap. That must be my husband!’
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!’ The woman yelled back, ‘Yeah, then why were you running?’

And then the fight started….

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started….

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’ The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And then the fight started….

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason,took my order first. “I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.” He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?” “Nah, she can order for herself.”

And then the fight started….

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’ ‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago,and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’ ‘My God!’ said my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’ I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started…

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’ I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started…


Trillion with a T… — 15 Comments

  1. Okay, the jokes were funny. But no one talking about a Trillion Dollars has ever counted that high. NO ONE!

  2. ADM- thx 🙂

    Earl- I know, but it was either jokes or wrap my head in duct tape… sigh…

    Snigs- You’re welcome 🙂

  3. Heh!
    Lots of chuckles, so I showed your post to my wife.

    And then the fight started.

  4. “What would you really like for Valentine’s Day, Dear”?

    “I want a divorce!”

    “Damn, honey; I hadn’t planned on spending that much.”

    (Actual conversation, several years prior to.)

  5. Fuzzy- You’re welcome 🙂

    Jeg- Great comback 🙂

    Rick- Yeah, been there, did that…

    Chris- I just do stream of (un)consciousness posts…

  6. CS- Mee tooo… It’s either that or all the scotch I’m drinking to dull the brain… 🙂