Road Humor…

I’m on the road (still again…) and suffering death by Powerpoint and mathematical formulas…

So far the record is a FIVE slide formula, that was the “simple” formula… Just shoot me now!

I’m not even going down the road the media is on, so a little more humor for y’all!

Questions to ponder in the middle of the night…

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of murdered?

Why do you have to “put your two cents in”… but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to and where did it come from?

Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.

Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Now that you’ve wasted all this time reading these, go do something productive! 🙂


Road Humor… — 13 Comments

  1. Loved this one and yes I got caught singing the two songs! GOOD post! I made me laugh 4-5 times and God knows we all need some good laughs about now!

  2. thanks … needed a laugh and btw why on earth would you need a 5 slide formula !!!!!!!!!!! You have my sympathy …

  3. Thanks, Jim. This was my first break of the day. Instead of Powerpoint, I had to work on day on Excel spreadsheets. That’s worse.

  4. I still want to know why there are Braille numbers on drive-up ATM machines.


  5. Snigs- We should be so lucky… sigh… Hell, the Air Force has people who SPECIALIZE in Power Point!!!

    Crucis- ESPECIALLY If you screw up a macro… been there, did that, started over 10 hours later 🙁

    Skul- That one is easy! It’s REQUIRED BY LAW! A provision of the ADA law as a matter of fact.

  6. That’s a joke, Bud.
    Question is WHY?
    I’m a DAV.
    As far as I’m concerned the ADA can, for the most part, get stuffed.


  7. My favorite Calinism:

    Why do we DRIVE on a parkway, and PARK in a driveway?