Democrats, realizing the huge success of the President’s “Cash For Clunkers” rebate program, have cancelled CFC and revamped a major portion of their National Health Care Plan.

President Obama, Speaker Pelosi, and Sen. Reid are expected to make this major announcement at a joint news conference later this week. I have obtained a advanced copy of the proposal which is named….

CASH FOR CODGERS

and it works like this…

Couples wishing to access health care funds in order to pay for the delivery of a child will be required to turn in one old person for each child they conceive. The amount the government grants them will be fixed according to a sliding scale. Older and more prescription dependent codgers will garner the highest amounts, while younger healthier codgers will earn them less.

Basically you get $3500 toward your hospital bill for a ‘codger’ over 65 but less than 75 that is in relatively good health. You get $4500 for all ‘codgers’ over 75 and more on a sliding scale if they are dependent care.

Special “Bonus Money” will be paid for those submitting codgers from 55 yrs of age to 65 yrs of age in targeted groups such as;

• Smokers (of products taxed and deemed legal by the government)
• Beer/alcohol drinkers (of products taxed and deemed legal by the government)
• Persons 10 pounds over their government prescribed weight
• Any member of any political Party other than Democrat
• Any person ever alleged to have received a “fishy” or sent a false email on the proposed Universal Health Bill under the President’s Internet rat-out-your-neighbor, ‘squealer’ program ([email protected] ) so that an enemies list can be generated
• Any person expressing an interest in transportable health plans, removing state border limitations on insurance policies, introducing tort reform to cut medical cost by reducing defensive medicine testing thereby lowering malpractice insurance costs, requiring congress to actually read all of each bill before they vote on it.

An amendment has been introduced by several Democrat Party congresspersons to add “Tea Party” participants to the list.

Smaller bonuses will be given for codgers who eat/drink; beef, soda, fried foods, tater chips, lattes, whole milk, dairy products, bacon, Brussel sprouts, Carvel or Girl Scout Cookies.

All codgers will be immediately rendered totally useless via toxic injection upon submission to the plan. This will insure that they are not secretly resold/reused or that their body parts be harvested to keep other codgers in decent repair.

Of course all registered Democrats, all politicians except Republicans and Libertarians, all political appointees, federal, and Democrat state county and city officials, etc., etc., etc, will be exempt from being defined as a codger by this policy…