Cowboy  rules for:

Arizona,  Texas, Oklahoma,  Colorado,  New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Nebraska, Idaho, and the rest of the Wild  West are as follows:  

1.  Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.  

2.  Turn your cap right, your head ain’t crooked.  

3.  Let’s get this straight: it’s called a ‘gravel road.’ I drive a pickup truck  because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re gonna get dust on your  Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.  

4.  They are cattle. That’s why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to  us. Get over it. Don’t like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 &  I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.  

5. So  you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are  driven only 3 weeks a year.  

6.  Every person in the Wild West waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to  understand the concept.  

7. If  that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin’  in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don’t  have it up to your ear at the time.  

8.  Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar?  It’s available at the corner bait shop.  

9.  The ‘Opener’ refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a religious holiday  held the closest Saturday to the first of November.  

10.  We open doors for women. That’s applied to all women, regardless of  age.  

11.  No, there’s no ‘vegetarian special’ on the menu. Order steak, or you can order  the Chef’s Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.  

12.  When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and  breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah … We don’t  care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat… IT AIN’T REAL  CHILI!!  

13.  You bring ‘Coke’ into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.  You bring ‘Mary Jane’ into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot,  drive a truck, and have long hair.  

14.  College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the  Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to  watch.  

15.  Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards – it spooks the  fish.  

16.  Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain’t music, anyway. We  don’t want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to  #1!  

A  true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that  probably won’t get it, but we’re friendly so we share in hopes you can begin  to understand what a real life is all about!!!

And  there is more-

The  COWBOY Solution to  save  Gasoline.

OBAMA  wants us to cut the amount of gasoline we use…

The  best way to stop using so much gasoline is to deport 15 million illegal  immigrants!

That  would be 15 million less people using our gas.

The  price of gas would come down…

Bring  our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the borders…

When  they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Border, hand him a canteen, rifle  and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan…

Tell  him if he wants to come to AMERICA then he must serve a tour in OUR  military… 

Give  him a soldier’s pay while he’s there and tax him on it… 

After  his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this  country… 

He  will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident…

This  option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the  troops in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make a better life for  themselves.

If  they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, without  the canteen, rifle or  ammo.  

Problem  solved…