Got this from a buddy stationed in Hawaii… Not too far from the truth…
If you have spent some time in the Islands, you’ll find this funny.
If not oh well…….
Please try fo complete dis as best as you can and no take
defense at da questions. Tanks eh!
[if your last name no fit, continue on da oddah side of da
[ ] Boy
[ ] Junior
[ ] Junior Boy
[ ] J.B. (short for Jr. Boy)
[ ] Honey Girl
[ ] Tita
[ ] Sista
[ ] Bradda
[ ] Sista-Girl
What year you went grad: ____
(if unsure, try guess)
Slippa size: ____ Left ____ Right
[ ] Small kine
[ ] Mejum
[ ] Small kine big
[ ] Momona
[ ] Blind as one bat
[ ] Bad, but not dat bad
[ ] She go!
[ ] Black and Blue
[ ] Construction worka
[ ] Sanitation Engineer
[ ] Surfa
[ ] Lei greeter
[ ] Waitress
[ ] Stripper
[ ] Un-employed
[ ] Bishop Estate Trustee
2nd Spouse’s Name:
3rd Spouse’s Name:
2nd Lover’s Name:
[ ] Hawaiian
[ ] Popolo
[ ] Hapa
[ ] Japanese
[ ] Filipino
[ ] Haole
[ ] Portagee
[ ] Pake
[ ] All da above
Numba of children living in household: ______
Numba of children living in your household das not
Number of children that stay bumming off of you das
over 23 years old: ______
Edumacation: (Circle highest grade completed)
1 2 3 4
If you obtained one higher edumacation what was yo major?
[ ] 5th grade [ ] 6th grade
Cawheelas you own and where dey stay:
___ Total number of cawheelas you own
___ Number of cawheelas that still crank ova
___ Number of cawheelas wit rust
___ Number of cawheelas no mo rust
___ Number of cawheelas on cement blocks
___ Number of cawheelas stay held together with duct tape.
Age you started fo drive: ______
(If over 10, slow learner ?): [ ] Yes [ ] No
Do you have a surf rack?
[ ] Yes [ ] No; If no, please explain:
Color of teeth:
[ ] Yellow
[ ] Brownish-Yellow
[ ] Brown
[ ] Black
[ ] N/A
How far is your home from a paved road?
[ ] 1 miles
[ ] 2 miles
[ ] don’t know
Distance between you and da beach? ____
Do you live on beach front property but don’t own a house
or the land? [ ] Yes [ ] No
How many times you gotten away with a DUI dis year
because you were related to da policeman?____
How much pakalolo do you smoke a day?
[ ] 1 joint
[ ] 2 joints
[ ] would smoke but cost more den gold.
How much beer do you drink a day?
[ ] 6 pack
[ ] 12 pack
[ ] 18 pack
[ ] case
How do you know that you had too much to drink?
[ ] You fall out of da car when da policeman opens da car door.
[ ] Da keg is empty.
[ ] You Haole but your eyes look like de from one Japanese.
[ ] When you piss, da bugga smell like Budweiser.
[ ] All of the above.
As usual, there is a move afoot for MORE native Hawaiian control of the islands. As far as I’m concerned, we need to close the bases, destroy the facilities, and pack up and leave Hawaii… Then let them try to function…
If it weren’t for Haoles, tourists, and the military, they’d still be paddling around in canoes trying to fish for a living. Even back in the 70’s when I was stationed out there, over 50% of the high school grads were functionally illiterate!!!