A Little Humor…

Q. How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

   A1.  None.  They screw in a hot tub.

   A2.  None.  Somebody organizes a workshop on how to deal with darkness in your life.

   A3.  21, one to change and 20 to share the experience

Q.  How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A.  Only one, but the lighbulb has to want to change.

Q.  How many surrealist painters does it take to change a lightbulb?

A.  A fish

Q.  How many male chauvenist pigs does it take to change a lightbulb?

A.  None. let the bitch cook in the dark.

Q.  How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?

A.  Four.One to actually change it, and 3 friends to brag to about how he screwed it.

Q…How many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb?

A…How many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb?

Q. How many red necks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. They can’t because they are too busy complaining about how all the blacks and mexicans are getting the good jobs cause of that affirmative action crap.

Q. How many paranoid people do you need to change a light-bulb ??

A. AND WHO’S ASKING ???!!!!

Q. How many pot growers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. None – They use flourescent tubes!

Q. How many women with PMS does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Six

Q. Why

A. IT JUST DOES O.K !!!!!!

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One, who gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing it to an earlier riddle.

Q: How many topologists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: It really doesn’t matter, since they’d rather knot.

Q. How many psychoanalysts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. How many do you think it takes?

Q. How many Nebraska Cornhuskers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. Only one, but he gets 3 hours credit for it

Q. How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. It depends on what kind of insurance you have

Q: How many straight San Francisco waiters does to take to change a lightbulb?

A: Both of them.

Q. How many Christians does it take to change a Light bulb?

A. none, they just stay in their darkness and pray to their non-existant god to do it for them

Q. How many gays does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Seven.  One to change the bulb and 6 to shriek, “Faaaabulous.”

Q. How many Japonese does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None.  They have machines to do it automatically.

Q. How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Q. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

   A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.

   A2: You won’t find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you’re  looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb…

    A3: How many can you afford?

    A4: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer”, and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb”,do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part          (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position  ect… ect…ect…..

Q. How many Sicilians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. Two.  One to screw it in, and one to kill the witnesses.

Q. How many OJ jurors does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None of them believe it is broken.

Q. How many particle physicists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. One. Two to change the bulb and three to renormalise the wavefunction.

     (if you don’t understand it, study quantum mechanics).

Q. How many perverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. One… but it takes the entire staff of the emergency room to remove it.

Feel free to add your own in comments! 🙂

Comments

A Little Humor… — 19 Comments

  1. This is outstanding. Cornhusker jokes, eve.

    Let me offer another:

    Q. How many Global Warming Scientists does it take to screw in a light bukb?

    A. DENIER!!!!one!!eleventy!!!

  2. Billiant!! I giggled and sooooo needed it!

    Got to add my Mormon fun!

    How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb? It depends!

    If it is the Relief Society it take four.One to fix refreshments.
    One to bring the tablecloth.One to design the Center Piece,And one to screw in the light bulb.

    If it is the Bishopric, forget it,
    they don’t do light bulbs.They call a Priesthood Executive Council
    And delegate it to the Elders.

    If it is the Elders it takes four.
    Three that don’t show up, and One to change the bulb.

    If it is the High Priests it take four.Two to push the wheel chairs. One to handle the oxygen tank,
    And one to screw in the light bulb.

    If it is the Home Teachers, it only takes two,But you have to wait until the end of the month.

    If it is the Aaronic Priesthood, it only takes one.He holds the light bulb in the socket And the whole world revolves around him.

  3. Q: How many Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: We choose not to make a statement of either in favour of or against the need for a light bulb however, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way,long-lived, and tinted; all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ.

  4. How many Russians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Two. One to hold the bulb and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

    How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Just two, but you’ll need a pretty big lightbulb.

    How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    “Uh, none, that’s a hardware problem….”

    You already managed to hit my favorite with the surrealists. This was a good way to start the morning.

  5. Glad y’all enjoyed em, and thanks for the additions! I’ve never seen the Mormon or Methodist versions!!!

  6. Q: How many Obama voters does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: None. Hoping that it would change is quite enough.

    Q: How many Apple programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: Only one, but why bother? Your light socket will just be obsolete in six months anyway.

    Q: How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
    A: One — men will screw anything.

  7. Q: How many MENSA members does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: None. MENSA members are smart enough to know that a light bulb is far too small to screw in.

    (from an ancient MENSA newsletter)