Pilots…

This one goes out to all those ‘bus drivers’ out there… 😀


The last power up… Endeavour one last time…  The full sequence can be seen HERE

PILOTS 

Pilots: People who drive airplanes for other people who can’t fly. 

Fighter Pilots: Cold, steely eyed, weapons systems managers who kill bad people and break things. However, they can also be very charming and personable. The average Fighter Pilot, despite sometimes having a swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring. These feelings just don’t involve anyone else. 

Words of Wisdom From Aviators: 

Flying is a hard way to earn an easy living. 

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the airplane; the pessimist, the parachute. 


If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage helicopter
fly-ins? 

Death is just nature’s way of telling you to watch your airspeed. 

Real planes use only a single stick to fly. This is why bulldozers and
helicopters­ (in that order) ­need two. 

There are only three things the copilot should ever say: 
1. Nice landing, Sir. 
2. I’ll buy the first round. 
3. I’ll take the fat one. 

As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and one of them will:  
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight.  
b. One day you will walk out to the aircraft not knowing that it is your last flight. 

There are Rules and there are Laws: 
The Rules are made by men who think that they know better how to fly your airplane than you. 
Laws (of Physics) were ordained by God. 
You can, and sometimes should, suspend the Rules, but you can never suspend the Laws. 

About Rules: 
a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don’t have a better idea and the talent to execute it. 
If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance (e.g., If you fly under a bridge, don’t hit the bridge.) 

The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness. 

The medical profession is the natural enemy of the aviation profession. 

Ever notice that the only experts who decree that the age of the pilot is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of the intensity of their feelings that the pilot’s day is over, I know of no expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft. 

Before each flight, make sure that your bladder is empty and your fuel tanks are full; check T/O wt…. 

He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he that demands one iota more is a fool. 

There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night. 

The aircraft limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular aircraft. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no limits. 

Flying is a great way of life for men who want to feel like boys, but not for those who still are. 

“If the Wright brothers were alive today, Wilbur would have to fire Orville to reduce costs.” President, DELTA Airlines. 

In the Alaskan bush I’d rather have a two-hour bladder and three hours of gas than vice versa. 

It’s not that all airplane pilots are good-looking. It’s just that
good-looking people seem more capable of flying airplanes. 

An old pilot is one who can remember when flying was dangerous and sex was safe. 

Airlines have really changed, now a flight attendant can gets a pilot
pregnant. 

I’ve flown in both pilot seats, can someone tell me why the other one is always occupied by an idiot? 

Son, you’re going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. You can’t do both. 

There are only two types of aircraft­ – fighters and targets. 

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline baggage. 

You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, and you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you’re grateful. 

They invented wheelbarrows to teach FAA inspectors to walk on their hind legs. 

The FAA Motto: We’re not happy till you’re not happy. 

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it. 

h/t JP

Comments

Pilots… — 18 Comments

  1. Us old sling-wingers didn’t have to mess with flaps/slats/spoiers or speed brakes.
    If we came up fast and furious to a mountain side, we could stop, check the rock formations then turn and paddle away.
    We didn’t hit birds, they hit us.
    Never did see a fighter jock land in a fifty foot clearing to pick up a shot down helo driver.
    Never once did I reach over and move a lever to “skids up” position.
    Never once made a skids up landing, either.
    Have a good day, NFO, and Merry Christmas to you.

  2. OK, now that I’m done choking, I get to clean the coffee off the screen and keyboard. Thanks a bunch. 😉

  3. This post is awesome. The spam comment not so much (I’m getting a huge amount of spam these days).

  4. Anyone can drive a fixed-wing. It takes a real pilot and crew to fly a fling-wing. It’s very tricky to keep all those moving parts in close formation.

    Also, I seem to recall you earned your wings in them.

  5. An old pilot is one who can remember when flying was dangerous and sex was safe.

    Airlines have really changed, now a flight attendant can gets a pilot pregnant.

    Yes, oh yes, those were the days.

  6. Funny… for one who enjoys offending roto-heads, he did manage to leave “the Jesus nut” alone.

    My dad used to say that it takes a very different state of mind to fly a helicopter than it does an airplane, so the two will never truly understand each other.

    He did have a friend who flew helicopters (in Vietnam), but to him the vehicles never did seem safe to fly.

    Ooops, I forgot to mention that my father was an airplane pilot for both military and civilian services. He got his license when he was 14, was a test pilot (when he got older ;)), flew for the National Guard (before 1975), was a flight instructor (lear jet), then a freight pilot for a dozen aircraft. He circled the world four times, landed on every continent (yes, including Antarctica), and even flew a Jenny for the Smithsonian, and helped the FBI with crash analysis.

    RIP Keep flying with God. Love you dad. Thanks for the memories, Old NFO.

  7. Helos don’t fly, they only beat the air into submission.
    Helos are an optical illusion with sound effects.
    OTOH
    The vast majority of plane crashes are caused when the pilot runs out of altitude, airspeed, and ideas, usually near-simultaneously.
    As OldNFO understands, there’s something enjoyable about “screwing your way through the air” for hours at a time.
    When I was flying on FRED, the best part was landing your bird on an austere field and serving as a filling station for other planes and helos for a few hours, then taking off and heading for home.

  8. That’s a great picture of the working area…but where is the Microwave? And L.L., the male flight attendants I’ve seen won’t be getting any women pregnant anytime soon. But they may hit on the male pilots.

  9. Skul- ALL good points, and same to ya!

    MSgt- I started out as one, so I CAN! 😛

    Bob/Rev- You’re welcome! 🙂

    BP- Thanks!

    drjim- Yep

    Don- I did.

    LL- 🙂

    Amateur- There are some things even I won’t touch… And RIP fo your dad!

    Az- All true!!!

    Andy- Yep, and the last of the breed, literally…

  10. “Before each flight, make sure that your bladder is empty and your fuel tanks are full; check T/O wt….”

    You ever notice after a long flight in a small aircraft that everyone gathers on the far side of the plane opposite from the FBO and then hold a short communion with nature?

  11. Too true about the FAA inspector comments…

    Man, the guys up in Alaska threw a party when their inspector left. They sent him down to Paine Field, Everett, WA. I wished we could have sent him back.

    Now, about that ‘Jesus nut.’ It’s called that for two reasons: The first is that when bringing it up to torque spec, you can usually hear the mechanic saying ‘Jesus, will this nut ever come up to torque?’

    The second reason is that if the ‘Jesus nut’ ever comes loose or otherwise fails, the entire crew and passengers are going to meet Him very shortly, which is why the torque spec is so high in the first place.