Idiots and assholes…

Posted on by July 21, 2013

This won’t be up to one of JayG’s epic rants, but DAMN I’m getting tired of the idiots and assholes out there on the roads these days…

To whit- Van and BMW drivers…

WTF people do you ‘think’ you OWN the damn road?  My perspective, I’m to the point that I believe all the Bimmer crowd are a bunch of wanna be’s…

Cause they are driving a ‘German Luxury Car’, they think they can do anything they want, run stop lights, run up the shoulder and/or cut people off (because nobody will hit their expensive car), double park in the right lane because they are too ‘important’ to actually drive around the corner to the parking lot… Gah…

And just because you happen to be female and blonde, it DON’T make you special either… (unless she really should have been riding the short bus, or all that dye has impacted the frontal lobe).  And flipping me the bird and screaming at me because I wouldn’t let you cut in is NOT going to make me any friendlier toward you…

But I DID smile when you had to slam on your brakes to keep from hitting that barrel…

And vans!!!

When you have so much crap that you can’t see out the back window, and you’ve got more crap tied on top, and two coolers on one of those bumper hitch racks, and your ass is dragging the ground because you’re over the max gross for the vehicle (Hell, between you and your hubby in the front seat, you’re ALREADY over max gross), and Precious in the back seat is throwing stuff at every passing car (I didn’t know they made bloomers THAT large); YOU are not the only person on the interstate…

Weaving between lanes, straddling the center line or blindly cutting across three lanes to almost get to the exit ramp is NOT going to endear you to the folks that had to lock up the brakes, especially the 18 wheeler that had to take the shoulder because of your stupidity…

Nor is turning around to hold a conversation/chew your kids butts that are sitting in the back seat.  Much less fumbling around in the floorboard to get that 32oz coke that you dropped, while simultaneously slamming on the brakes and did you notice you changed lanes?  Didn’t think so…

And the NY asshole in the fancy Giants van, be glad I didn’t knock your ass into next week… Dropping off into the median at 75 mph was NOT what I wanted to do but when you ran up the slow lane because you just couldn’t wait your turn, and cut across my bumper to get around the ‘slow’ car that was actually doing 5 over, you left me no choice other than the PIT maneuver; which I seriously considered…

And yes “I” was the one that called the troopers on your ass; and yes, “I” was the one that honked at your pulled over ass, and gave the trooper a thumbs up!

Oh, and can’t forget the MA and NJ asshats in vans that think 6 feet of separation is adequate at 75-80 miles an hour and if there is 8 feet you’re gonna cut in; and those that cut across the 18 wheeler’s noses to get one more car length ahead…

Trust me you will NOT be mourned when you become the bug on the wheeler’s windshield, I will feel sorry for the driver, but NOT for you, not at all…

I really need a 57 Desoto… Then let em try that crap…

Comments

Idiots and assholes… — 41 Comments

  1. I see you’ve met many of the drivers from my neck of the woods! Sorry! 🙂

  2. “What’s the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?”
    “I dunno. What?”
    “With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.”

  3. I’ve usually had ratty old F-150s for go-to-work vehicles.
    More modern than the 57 Desoto, which you would reserve yourself from harming, but I know what you mean.

  4. OOOOmmmmmmmmm . . . . . OOOOOmmmmmmmmm . . . .

    🙂

    And that, sir, is why you can not mount a M60 on your vehicle . . . . . .

    Wishing you a relaxed and peaceful Sunday Jim!

  5. Navy91- I wish you’d keep em up there… sigh

    Firedigger- LOL, good one!

    Ed- That would work too…

    Bill- No M-60, I was thinking more a Dillon Aero… Thanks…

  6. My fantasy commuting vehicle is an old half-ton pickup with a battered grille guard and a train horn. I’m pretty sure I’d be left to drive in peace.

  7. If I could afford to both buy, insure and operate (diesel) an MRAP, I would buy one and drive it around the streets of Los Angeles.

    (1) I’d drive through the ghetto at night just for fun. Yes, the inner city people would shoot at it, but they shoot at everything. As with Chicago, the inner city people in LA are not part of the group targeted in fly-over country clinging bitterly to God and guns.

    (2) I’d get the biggest, baddest air horn on the market and I’d use it.

    (3) I’d paint it Gestapo black (color of DHS MRAPS) and stencil “Department of Haloland Security” on the side. Inner city people can’t read for the most part and those who can don’t read that well. – In the unlikely event that somebody cut me off, I’d roll over their car and they’d be left calling LAPD and blaming it on Janet Napolitano’s crew.

    (4) I’d put a broomhandle painted black in the turret. (ream out the barrel a bit to make it look like a muzzle)

    (5) Going to the store, I’d park up front, curbside, the way the armored cars do.

    That’s my fantasy car, and all of the metrosexual dweebs in their metrosexual cars would steer clear of me.

  8. P. S. I used to have an old Ford pick up truck. The thing looked like the sort of vehicle that you’d associate with a Mexican lawn crew. It was beat to crap. I bought it for $200 in about 1995 as a beater to haul things from point A to point B. The rings were shot and it smoked like a chimney. I kept old beer cans in the front seat. Driving down the freeway, when people showed disrespect, I’d weave within the lane of traffic and occasionally toss a beer can out of the window. (Absolutely true story)

    It was amazing how much room the nice cars around me gave me. Usually there was a block of vehicles behind me and nobody to either side. My young daughters though that it was great fun as they rode with me.

  9. Here in the Mountain West it is crossover SUVs. Same driver pool. The more expensive the SUV, the higher the asshole component. Please, let us not even think about overloaded, underpowered, and poorly maintained motorhomes. On the other hand, it provides a living for my sister, the insurance adjuster.

  12. They’re all over. In the past five years I’ve seen behavior on the highway that I would not have believed if anyone else told me about it. And surface streets? It’s even worse.

    I hate tailgaters. When you tailgate, you’re threatening the person in front of you with your car. I’ve always thought about mounting a high pressure paint sprayer in the trunk of my car – something that will coat the windshield of the tailgating car behind me with an inch thick coating of oil based paint – smurf blue, I’m thinking.

    Of course I’d need a back up device. How about a nice BB gun mounted coax to the car – the kind of thing that will put cute little holes in a radiator. Tailgate me and all I need to do is trigger the BB gun a few times then watch the nice coolant escape. And if the driver is really dumb (how many are not?) they won’t understand the leak, the hot engine light or why the car suddenly stopped running.

    Ain’t I just evil mean and nasty?

  13. Suz- That would work too…

    LL- Concur with all, and loved the second comment!!!

    WSF- Motor homes on this coast seem to be better maintained than the ones you see in your neck of the woods… But a living is a living… Good for her!

    Opus- LOL sure, sure… ;-P

  14. Here in the Texas Hill Country we have all the aforementioned groups, typically from Austin (Keep Austin Weird, build a wall and don’t let them out). But, we have to add the gangs of Harleys. Many of the roads (70MPH) connecting towns in the area are two lanes with passing lanes few and far between. I don’t know how many times, I’ve come across a group of 20+ Harleys putting along at 50 or so with 15 cars behind them. Then when we get to a passing zone, without fail, they accelerate to 75-80. As soon as the zone ends, back to 50. BTW, many Texas roads have a large paved shoulder on them specifically built so people can do that “Texas Thing”, pull over and let others pass. NEVER seen Harley’s do that. See lots of folks with bumper stickers with a motorcycle on it that says “Share the road”. To quote my good friend Inigo, “I do not think that word means what you think it does.”
    I’m sure the above will offend some, and generate some “yeah well, once….” from Harley drivers, but for the time being at least, freedom of speech is still allowed.

  15. Here in the Midwest I drive an F250 utility van, the only distinguishing thing is that it’s usually clean and the SUV/Beemer drivers think that I can’t see them to admire their lovely vehicle. Even so I can’t help but wonder about the thought processes of people who think they are invulnerable and do all of the stupid stunts you describe and wonder why we’re not impressed.

  16. HEY! You driving up here in my Cleveland, Ohio Neck of the Woods and you don’t even bother to call and say “Let’s do Lunch?” ; )

  18. So how much is a surplus deuce and a half?

    Pretty much good to go for traffic issue as delivered from Uncle.

    Might need to add a radio to drown out the shriek of tearing metal and a gimballed cup holder for your coffee but that shouldn’t be too hard.

    Throw a squads worth of mannequins on the benches in the back and you can run the HOV lanes too.

    BGM

  19. In the movie “If I Had A Million” one of the recipients spends her money buying cars which she promptly crashes into road hogs. She blows her money in one day, but has a lot of fun doing it.

    One thing I’ve always wondered about BMWs. They are very expensive cars, you’d think that they would come equipped with directional signals, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen them used.

    Q. Do you know the difference between an elephant and a BMW?

    A. An elephant has the trunk at the front and the asshole at the back.

  20. I miss the days when I was young and drove beater full-sized trucks in a “no fault” insurance state. Back then, I viewed driving as a contact sport, and if you cut me off, I would probably nick you on purpose as any collision carried a 50/50 chance of improving the looks of my already-dented trucks.

    I also may or may not have deliberately clipped or sideswiped a few little cars with Deuce-and-a-halfs back in the day, but I’m not admitting to anything officially and since all those trucks look alike, it was probably another one that did it if anyone reading this is still mad about being bumped by one in Illinois, Indiana, Michigan or North Carolina.

  21. I hear ya. I had to endure all the above when making my bi-monthly animal transport runs to NY through NJ. Up 85 to 77 to 81 to 78 to 87 and all the crazy ass out there.

  22. ONFO – Negative on the DeSoto. Pre-’65 Checker (old style ladder frame) and I-beam bumpers. Tack weld a 2″ wide strip of .188″ mild steel down each side, full length, cut to allow opening the doors. Prevents the outer door panels from collapsing when trading paint, saves the fender arch above the wheels, too.

  23. I miss my old 3/4 ton chevy/gmc pickup (it was made up from parts of both) with the front fenders that flapped and the 8″ channel iron rear bumper.

    People gave me room when I was going down the road.

    It was a beater that could take a beating.

  24. There is nothing more dangerous than a Soccer Mom driving a mini-van filled with her Precious Snowflakes.
    The Smarter Half maintains crossing north of the Rappahannock River finds the personalized plates quadrupling and driving skills decline inversely.
    Volvo drivers own “the safest car in the world” and firmly believe their vehicles negate the laws of physics.
    Dorm mate had THE urban combat vehicle: a 1962 Checker with landscaping timber bumpers. He had kill markings on driver’s door. Included 2 (TWO!) NYC buses.

  25. I’ll sell you my 65 Ford Galaxie 500 with a 289 V-8 with the 302 heads so you can use unleaded. $800.00 and you come pick it up.

  26. Juvat- Yep, seen the same thing… sigh…

    Gaffer- No good answer… dammit…

    Les- LOL, YOU know where I’m talking about!

    Guffaw- Family blog, otherwise… 🙂

    BGM- True, but the four miles a gallon is a downer!

    TOTW- LOVE IT! 😀

    Murph- Trying to prove denial is not just a river in Egypt again???

    CP- Yep, you know it!

    Anon- Oh… OH, GREAT idea! 🙂

    Jon- That they could, had a friend that had his fenders spot tied to keep them from flapping…

    Stretch- LOL, that is a great story!

    Mark- I just might take you up on that!!!

  27. I’ve been driving 50 miles one way for about 4 years now and have come to the conclusion that almost all BMW, Lexus, Mercedes, and Nissan Altima drivers are assholes. I don’t know what it is about the Altimas but I despise them the most.

  29. Hey Old NFO;
    Peter B ain’t kidding about the priuses..they are the worst as far as obnoxious goes. There are times that I wished that sidewinder missiles and gatling guns would have been a dealer option. there are days that I would have laid a trail of destruction to work.

  30. The ones I hate most are the tailgaters. I’ve considered getting a bumper sticker written in half inch lettering that says: “If you can read this, I’m about to brake check you!”

  31. Shane- Up here, they usually get out of the way, but concur on the others!

    Peter/Bob- Yeah, they’re second tier irritations here too, usually when they see me coming they move over though! 😉

    JR- Oh yeah, and it’s almost ALWAYS drivers from the NE… Sigh

  32. The lousy drivers y’all write about are in training. When they finally have earned their PHD in lousy driving, they move to Florida. BMWs, Mercedes, Prius-s, (Pri-i?) are all bad, but here, the Toyota Yaris is the hands down winner. (worst loser is a winner!) When it rains, 25 mph in the left land with their 4 way flashers on is just a start.
    A forward mounted Ma Deuce is the only solution. It honors both history, JMB and the future.

  35. A buddy of mine always said that a NASCAR stocker would be the best thing for L.A. commuting.

    Nothing else on the road can hurt you, and you can outrun everybody!

  36. Makin’ me nostalgic for my Point Mugu days (84-91). A ’75 Honda Civic 1200, several shades of blue, brown fender and Tennessee tags.

    I could get away with murder in traffic, as the yuppies wouldn’t get their Baby Beemers within yards of me.

    Nowadays, I reserve my bile for those who are convinced the left-hand lane is reserved for those talking/texting @ 20 mph below the speed limit.

  37. Roger- Yeah, except in my days in Florida it was the big Caddys with the left turn signal always on…

    Jenn- That would work! 🙂

    Brighid- Agreed!!!

    drjim- LOL, trading a little paint wouldn’t bother them at all!!!

    Rick- LOL, yep! And agreed!!!

  38. Don’t fret gang.

    Road rage days are coming to an end.

    When ObamaCare kicks in 100% you’ll be lucky to afford an old Schwinn bicycle.