Tongue in cheek???

Running hither an yon, so in lieu of a real post…

Of course the ‘left’ actually BELIEVES most of these (or at least ‘I’ think they do)…


* The inventor of the AR-15 was Satan, though his patent has since expired.

* Scientists have confirmed the deadly effects of an AR-15 by giving it to a chimpanzee who then murdered them.

* Scientists agree that each year the AR-15 will grow more deadly until it kills everyone in the entire world.

* Some believe that Hitler was in fact an AR-15 in a rubber mask.

* In the Garden of Eden, God gave Adam and Eve access to every firearm out there except for the AR-15 which he told them not to touch because it was too evil. But then the NRA, in the guise of a serpent, told Eve that the AR-15 is really fun to shoot. So then Eve took the AR-15 and started shooting all the animals in the garden because she is one awesome chick.

* The part that makes the AR-15 so extra deadly is the handle on top. The AR-15 would be used in less murders if it were more inconvenient to carry.

* It was an AR-15 that told Miley Cyrus to dance like that.

* Bullets that are normally harmless will kill instantly when fired out of the AR-15.

* The reason AR-15s have that prominent handle on them is because the most requested feature for an assault rifle was to be able to carry it like a Hello Kitty lunch box.

* If you find yourself surrounded by AR-15, know that they will fire automatically if they sense fear.

* The AR-15 is easily concealable and can fit inside a matchbox.

* The AR-15 is the leading cause of global warming from how its bullets shoot holes in the ozone.

* A very small percentage of gun deaths are attributed to the AR-15 because it is very good at disguising itself as other guns to frame them.

* What are the differences between an M16 and an AR-15? Scientists agree that it is something.

* The AR-15 can be rendered harmless by giving it only a 10 round magazine as people always miss with the first ten rounds and an AR-15 takes an hour and a half to reload.

* The AR-15 can shoot through schools.

* In a battle between Aquaman and an AR-15, Aquaman would break down and buy it so people might think he’s more manly.

* There were no shooting deaths until the invention of an AR-15. No one even considered using a gun to shoot another human being until someone saw an AR-15 and said, “I bet I could use this to kill people.”

* There was an assault musket similar to the AR-15 used by the world’s most evil pirates, but it was pronounced “Arrr-15.”

* The Assault Weapon ban was needed because it is well known that an AR-15 with both a pistol grip and a flash suppressor would be unstoppable by any modern military.

* In Europe there is no such thing as an AR-15 and thus also no such thing as murders. Instead of being violent, people there just drink wine and smoke cigarettes all day.

* If the AR-15 were banned, it’s believed all gun deaths would end because even gun murders that didn’t use the AR-15 were inspired by the evil sight of that gun.

* If you are shot by an AR-15, you become one.

* The AR-15 is responsible for 95% of all deaths each year. The rest of the deaths are from obesity and drone strikes.

h/t JP


Tongue in cheek??? — 16 Comments

  1. This clarifies the situation in America for me and why things are so screwed up.

  2. Awesome! My favorite was the pirate one.. No wonder its called

  3. Pingback: OldNFO Explains the AR15 | In Jennifer's Head

  4. Gee, thanks for clearing that up. 🙂

    Sadly, I wouldn’t be surprised if the anti-gunners believe many of those to be true.

  5. “The AR-15 is responsible for 95% of all deaths each year. The rest of the deaths are from obesity and drone strikes.”

    Wrong: AR-15 is only responsible for 50 percent of all deaths, AK-47 are responsible for 40 percent of all deaths and George Bush personally killed the rest of the folks who died.

  6. LL- Yep!

    JUGM- Heh…

    Jenn- Glad you liked em…

    Nancy- You’re welcome!

    WSF- 🙂

    Rev- I’m SURE they do!!!

    Gerry- Point!

  7. You forgot that AR-15s are responsible for all 12,000 murders that happen in the USA, annually. Of course according to the FBI 2012 crime statistics, only 322 deaths resulted from all long rifles.?

    Of course according to the anti-gunners the AR in AR-15 means “Assault Rifle”… No, more like ArmaLite Rifle, the original patent holder, ArmaLite.

  8. Is it not also true that after World War Three, that the only Survivors (the Cockroach) will be using the AR-15 against each other until THEY are Exterminated, and Earth becomes “The Planet of the AR-15s!”

  9. HEY! I owns a couple of dem assault rifles. Just because they’re black don’t mean that they’re evil. I can spray out more lead faster than a cockroach can run.
    BUT! None of my assault rifle have kilt nobody. Well, maybe a few targets and a lotta tin cans. Funny, my assault rifles ain’t never kilt nobody, but dat fool in the white house is givin lotsa ammo, assault rifles and other good stuff to the folks that blowed up the trade center bildings, so that theys can kill a whole lot more than they did befoe.
    Now you tell me, what’s the world comin’ to when we’re payin our tax dollars to give guns and ammo to the jamokes that murdered over 2000 of our folks?

  10. Jim- True! But ‘that’ doesn’t fit the agenda…

    Les- 🙂

    Roger- Heh, good point!