Net Humor…

THOUGHTS ON AGING

-You’re getting old when you’re sitting in a rocker and you can’t get it started.
-You’re getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn’t do anything the night before.
-The cardiologist’s diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
-Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
-It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.
-You know you’re getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
-Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.
-When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.
-You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can’t remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down.
-Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
-There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I forget the other two.
-You’re getting old when you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
-The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.
-Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
-Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn’t that a bad time for a guy to get those odds?
-You know you’re getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.
-Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
-By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
-Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
-A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
-You know you’re into middle age when you realise that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

YMMV, IANAL, I don’t know where I was going with this…


Comments

Net Humor… — 20 Comments

  1. I have a subset of the Getting Old meme called “You may have early onset geezerhood”

    If you see the teenyboppers, in their junior streetwalker outfits, strutting through the mall, amd your first thought is “Yeah. But they’d want to talk afterwards, and I don’t want to listen to it.”

    If a young friend comes to you with the latest hit toy and your reaction is, “Hell, I thought those were bug-ugly the first three times they were popular.”

    If you’ve stopped,trying to find a political candidate who will be good for the country, and just vote to the one you think will be most amusing.

  2. “-When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.”

    LOL… I hate you…. I’ve been doing that all morning.

  3. To find out how old you are fall down in front​ of a crowd. If they laugh your still young. If they panic and run toward you you are old.

  4. Haha. Funny. I’m not getting old. Denial is a good place to be. Right next to the liberals.

  5. You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can’t remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down.

    I’ve had this happen. Worse, it happened when I was stone cold sober.

  6. I’ve reached the age when I spend a lot of time thinking about the Hereafter. I go into a room, and then say, “What the H**l did I come in here after?”

    Getting old sucks, but it beats the alternative!

    • +1

      Get up in the morning, name isn’t in the paper…gonna be a good day!

      When I was a sweet young nurse’s aide (about 18 yrs old) a very nice little old lady told me “Honey, don’t ever git old”…trouble is she didn’t tell me how to stop those birthdays from coming around every year!!

  7. When we were young it was funny when our parents called the children by the wrong names. Now that I am doing it, it isn’t funny at all.

  8. Greetings Your Skinny Dragoness – VP-4 4Ever… FYI: I just “Marked On Top” of my “Spirit Of ’76” Birthday on March 12, 1941. I am being to resemble those remarks, more and more every day.

  9. You know you’re getting old, when you can’t remember the last time you really recognized any of the ‘Celebrities’ on the checkout line magazine covers.

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