Net Humor!!!

Busy with stuff, so you get humor…

Will Rogers died in a plane crash in 1935, but many of the things he said never grow old.

– Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

– There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

– If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

– The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

– Never miss a good chance to shut up.

– Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

– Lettin’ the cat outta’ the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.

– After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and

shot him. The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

– Eventually you will reach a point in life when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

– The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

– When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.

– One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

– Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.

– Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.

– If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.

– The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

++++++++++++

No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.

The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.

Holding hands, they walked back to their old  school.
It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Andy had carved “I love you, Sally .”

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet.

Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home.

There, she counted the money –

fifty thousand dollars!

Andy said, “We’ve got to give it back.”

Sally said, “Finders keepers.” She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money,

and knocked on their door. “Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?”

Sally said, “No”.

Andy said, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.

Sally said, “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile”

The agents turned to Andy and began to question him.

One said: “Tell us the story from the beginning.”

Andy said, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ….”

The first police officer turned to his partner and said, “We’re outta here!”


Comments

Net Humor!!! — 8 Comments

  1. Good post, and maybe Will Rogers was seeing into the future when he wrote this.
    “I would love to see Mr. (Henry) Ford in there, really. I don’t know who started the idea that a President must be a Politician instead of a Business man. A Politician can’t run any other kind of business. So there is no reason why he can run the U.S. That’s the biggest single business in the World.” WA #5, January 14, 1923

    Just change the name to Donald Trump

  2. Thanks for the Will Rogers quotes. He’s a long time favorite. In addition to being a great wit, he was a wizard with a rope. If you’ve never seen The Roping Fool, it’s well worth a look and can be found here on YouTube.

  3. John- Excellent point!

    Bob- You’re welcome!

    Jim- That’s how he got his start, was in burlesque as a roper, not a comedian… And there aren’t many folks that can do that today.

  4. Many of you, but not all, know that I did an exchange tour with the USAF, as a WSO in RF-4C’s. I belong to their Facebook group to keep in touch with the many friends I made during that three year shore tour. Anyway, the following was posted today, and I’m passing this along to all of you so you can do your own research.

    Dave wrote:I recently received this message from Fred Muesegaes authored by Dave Lovelady
    I’ve been working for the past few months on a new website and searchable database. Here’s how it came about:

    I got a “lead” from a retired admiral regarding a book that he references a lot. The book is calledVietnam Air Losses, by Chris Hobson. It was published in 2001 and sold for US $29.95 (UK 19.95 pounds). Today it is available only as a used copy since it has been out of publication since 2001. When I looked for it online, I found that it was fetching an average of about $130 per copy, with a maximum of $896 on Amazon. I got a copy from a used book store in England for about 40 pounds plus shipping and found that it was a real treasure. I learned some things about some friends that I didn’t previously know, and it occurred to me that children and grandchildren of those mentioned in the book should not have to try to find an obscure, used book and pay an exorbitant (rip-off) price just to find out what happened to their ancestor.

    So, I contacted the author, who has recently retired (he was the Chief Librarian for the UK Joint Services Command and Staff School, where the library is now named the Hobson Library) and asked him if he would allow me to put his book online, inserting all the data into a searchable database to be accessible to all for free. He readily agreed and asked if I minded if he updated the manuscript with corrections and new information. Subsequently, he added over 27,000 words to the manuscript, plus many corrections.

    It took me a couple of months to input all the data (over 100,000 pieces) into the database and design and construct the website. To be able to search for all those two-character Vietnamese names, I had to actually move all my web sites to another type of server. I won’t go into the technical details on why that was necessary.

    We tested the capabilities and tried to ferret out all the typos, but I’m sure we missed some.

    Earlier this week, we went “public” by announcing the site on the email list a friend operates that is populated mainly by former military aviators. My wife Denise also announced it on her Facebook page to over 1,000 of her “closest friends.” It has now spread like wildfire. We’ve received a host of inputs thus far, and we know it’s making its way through various organizations’ emailing lists. We just received a note today from the daughter of a Medal of Honor winner praising the writeup about her father. That makes it all worthwhile.

    I thought all of you would like to take a look. You can access the site at
    https://www.VietnamAirLosses.com.

    All the best,

  5. Love Will Rogers. When I got to tour his ranch in Santa Monica it was like going on a pilgramage for me. He used to say “I don’t belong to any organized political party. I’m a Democrat”. He couldn’t be one today

  6. Will was a first cousin to my great grandmother. I wish I could have met him but he died 20 years before I was born.

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