Da Rulz…

Seems people are having a bit of problem understanding the ‘new’ rules…

So here is the latest list.

  1. Basically, you can’t leave the house for any reason, but if you have to, then you can.
  2. Masks are useless, but maybe you have to wear one, it can save you, it is useless, but maybe it is mandatory as well. But they aren’t available, and if you don’t have one it’s a $1000 fine.
  3. Stores are closed, except those that are open. But only for essentials… No sneaking over and buying shoes.
  4. You should not go to hospitals unless you have to go there. Same applies to doctors, you should only go there in case of emergency, provided you are not too sick.
  5. This virus is deadly but still not too scary, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster.
  6. Gloves won’t help, but they can still help.
  7. Everyone needs to stay HOME, but it’s important to GO OUT.
  8. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarket, but there are many things missing when you go there in the evening, but not in the morning. Sometimes.
  9. The virus has no effect on children except those it affects.
  10. Animals are not affected, but there is still a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there…
  11. You will have many symptoms when you are sick, but you can also get sick without symptoms, have symptoms without being sick, or be contagious without having symptoms. Oh, my…
  12. In order not to get sick, you have to eat well and exercise, but eat whatever you have on hand and it’s better not to go out, well, but no…
  13. It’s better to get some fresh air, but you get looked at very wrong when you get some fresh air, and most importantly, you don’t go to parks or walk. But don’t sit down, except that you can do that now if you are old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant (but not too old).
  14. You can’t go to retirement homes, but you have to take care of the elderly and bring food and medication.
  15. If you are sick, you can’t go out, but you can go to the pharmacy.
  16. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house, which may have been prepared by people who didn’t wear masks or gloves. But you have to have your groceries decontaminated outside for 3 hours. Pizza too?
  17. Every disturbing article or disturbing interview must start with ” I don’t want to trigger panic, but…”
  18. You can’t see your older mother or grandmother, but you can take a taxi and meet an older taxi driver.
  19. You can walk around with a friend but not with your family if they don’t live under the same roof.
  20. You are safe if you maintain the appropriate social distance, but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social distance.
  21. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours, no, four, no, six, no, we didn’t say hours, maybe days? But it takes a damp environment. Oh no, not necessarily.
  22. The virus stays in the air – well no, or yes, maybe, especially in a closed room, in one hour a sick person can infect ten, so if it falls, all our children were already infected at school before it was closed. But remember, if you stay at the recommended social distance, however in certain circumstances you should maintain a greater distance, which, studies show, the virus can travel further, maybe.
  23. We count the number of deaths but we don’t know how many people are infected as we have only tested so far those who were “almost dead” to find out if that’s what they will die of.
  24. We have no treatment, except that there may be one that apparently is not dangerous unless you take too much (which is the case with all medications). Orange man bad.
  25. We should stay locked up until the virus disappears, but it will only disappear if we achieve collective immunity, so when it circulates… but we must no longer be locked up for that?

Comments

Da Rulz… — 21 Comments

  1. Got it (not the virus (that I know of )). Not sure if dying of the virus is worse than dying slowly hearing / reading about what people can do not get Corona.

    Can we turn the page now … so bored of hearing what might kill me. Every time I leave my driveway in my truck, I might be killed in a vehicle collision. Every meal I eat, I could choke to death. So many things can happen.

    • jrg – yep – I’ve been saying for years (more like decades) that you never know when ya might get hit by a bus. Usually when I was trying to convince some of my ‘minions’ 😉 that NONE of us is irreplaceable (and that eventually one of them would have my job when I moved on)

  2. Yep, sounds about right.

    If you add: You can go out with your family in a canoe is super safe but not a motorboat which is super dangerous, and buying marijuana and lottery tickets is ok and super safe, but buying gardening seeds and supplies and paint is not and super dangerous, you’ve just about made Michigan’s rules clear.

  3. 26. Have your grandparents move to Montana when they get married. If they don’t want to go to Montana, just about any rural county will do. Arrange for all following generations to stay there. They might be poor, underemployed, and have to deal with drought, bugs, and rising costs of fuel, fertilizer, and farm equipment, but they won’t have to wear a mask.

  4. If you start thinking that it isn’t that bad we will increase the number of deaths by counting people who died in car crashes or by falling off their roofs but who might have had coronavirus when they got their license or climbed on the roof. Or when they died. We’re not sure because we’re just making this part up.

  5. Yo Old FO, Did Biden write this for you? Only Biden and Norm Crosby could understand this

  6. All- Thanks, and yeah, I ‘think’ .gov DID write them… sigh

    Posted from my iPhone.

  7. And as soon as a governor, ANY governor, opens his or her mouth tomorrow, another modifier will be added to every single enumerated item.

  8. Who put a second lieutenant/ ensign in charge of the emergency? We need a Master Chief or Sergeant Major, stat!

    • Psy – as bad as it has gotten it might take a Master Chief AND a Sergeant Major to un-cluster it!

    • “Request permission to requisition one Senior Chief to instruct my household idiots, Sir!” If only it were that easy…

  9. Exactly what I posted the other day. I got it from my brother who got it from somewhere else.