These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
“That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..” – Oscar Wilde
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” – Winston Churchill, in response.
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb
“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand
“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx
Add this one. When you were born your mother said what a treasure and your father said yes let’s bury it.
Thanks to the Greenies, the lines about low-wattage bulbs won’t work any more … sigh.
Psycho: Enlighten (ha) me anyway. What’s the line?
“$NAME reminds me of a 15 Watt bulb.”
“That’s not very bright.”
“Yes, exactly.”
…is perhaps one exchange. Forget which ,movie I recall it from.
All of these examples come from a time when the English language was not only taught in school, it was revered. They knew the power of words. More so the politician, as their entire stock in trade was the word, to either sway a recalcitrant voter or to destroy an political enemy.
Nowadays, it’s as difficult to find a person who can string 3 words together in a coherent sentence as it is to find ammo or plywood.
They can string three words together if you include all the ‘likes.’
“It was, like, awesome, man!”
In my observation the use of “[n] was like” to mean “[n] said” began to enter the language with the heavily sotted TV generation who lacked adjective and adverb vocabularies to describe the manner in which the person being quoted spoke. “Like” in this context is a shortened form of “He said it like this:” a cue to the listener that the speaker is going to impersonate those manners, so please watch the speaker presenting a personal TV report of the previous topic. The speaker often affects an accent or adjusts his tone to mimic or to distort the speaker as parody.
I have a feeling many younger folks wouldn’t even understand the insult thanks to the educational system and the dumbing down of ‘higher’ ed.
And to add a favorite from Dorothy Parker speaking to Clare Booth: “Age before beauty, Mrs. Parker.” “And pearls before swine,” said Mrs. Parker.
Your parents met only once. There was money involved, surely no more than a twenty. And they say she was dressed as a boy at the time.
Another from Churchill: after a particularly contentious Parliament debate, Lady Astor said to him, “Winston, if you were my husband I would poison your coffee.” Churchill replied, “Nancy, if I were your husband I would drink it.”
I was going to mention that one too. Churchill had an excellent wit and a quick mind.
Hey Old NFO;
This was back when being of a literary mind was praised rather than vilified. Very creative.
From the movie Men in Black, after administering entrance exam to recruits, “gentlemen, you are everything we have come to expect from years of government training”.
From a cartoon in an electronic magazine, 1960’s or maybe early 1970’s… Instructor, to class, “Well, the test results reveal one thing. Certainly none of you are using mind expanding drugs.”
About the younger crowd not quite getting it…
My wife got to pull off a fast one in an office setting years ago; the young manager martinet leading the team delivered her a stack of papers, to which she said smilingly: “[Name,] you are every other inch a gentleman.”
“Why, thank you!” he replied, spun sharply, and got about three strides away, “HEY, wait…!” as chuckles popped from surrounding cubicles.
I like the old Chinese curse “May you have an interesting life.”
When asked how it felt to kill humans, Polish anti-communist Mercenary Rafal Ganowicz said, “I don’t know, I only kill communists.”
Good insults still exist. They’re just hard to find.
All- Good additions! And yes, the latest generation can’t get it because it’s actual English, not text… sigh
Posted from my iPhone.
Ha!
Reminds me of a night at the Lit. Review club in London years ago. Someone sat down at our table, all very bold as brass, only to be asked, “And what do you do?” He replied, “I’m a writer.”
“Really? Neither am I.”
Sharp crew at that club.
LSP- ROTFLMAO!
If you wish to read some truly creative insults consult Cyrano de Bergerac.
My favorite Churchill insult was when an old dowager saw him at a party, and told him he was drunk. He replied, “Yes, madame, I am drunk. But I’ll be sober in the morning, while you’ll still be ugly”….
He is a dildo without any batteries- SF Cpt Jon Hunter about a Sgt 1st Class during Desert Storm
Supposedly from military evaluations.
“He is a hard worker when cornered like a rat and continuously supervised.”
“His men will follow him anywhere just to see what disaster he will precipitate next.”
“He is a modest man with much to be modest about.” Churchill on some British pol.