Net humor

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later.

I don’t have to go to school or work.

I get an allowance every month.

I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew.

I have a driver’s license and my own car.

The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don’t have acne.

Life is great. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds.

People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers.

Now they drink like their fathers.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

When I was a child I thought “nap time” was a punishment.

Now it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is… ” I don’t have to write that down, I’ll remember it”.

I don’t have gray hair… I have “wisdom highlights”!

I’m just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators.

We haven’t met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?

Of course, I talk to myself.

Sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age “Getting Lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came In there for.

I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names.

Now, I’m wondering… did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?


Net humor — 7 Comments

  1. The “why did I go here?” thing is becoming more common.

    Thank you Mom and Dad for giving me this thick head of luxuriously slightly wavy hair that I’m not at all vain about. 🙂
    But why did you also have to pass on the high blood pressure!

    All good ones, and they all hit the mark.

    • This. “I’m going to [list of things, starting with get up extra early].”

      My body: “Nope. I have veto power.”

      My bad knee and hip: “We second the veto.”

  2. It’s a rite of passage. Some of us old fellas are just more mentally prepared for whatever Shitshow Inc. throws at us. Oh yea…Have a nice day!

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