Sigh…
Go enjoy the eclipse if you’re in the area, otherwise, enjoy the jokes…
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know we obviously don’t have the money to pay them?
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?
What is the speed of darkness?
Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up every two hours?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder…….
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?’
Who was the first person to say, ‘See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s ass.’
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their ass when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed when they know they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs !
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on……
Do illiterate people really get to enjoy Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
From George Carlin: “Why do we drive on a parkway but park in a driveway.”
This one is easy. The DRIVEway, is how you DRIVE to the garage or parking space. The PARKWAY is a WAY _through a park_.
“Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?” Or make the street light change faster – I see that a lot.
some old ones I’ve seen and some new ones too. Thanks !
No.
And due to “legalities” the elevator door-close button doesn’t work AT ALL. WHY? So those might be slow to get on the lift have chance… nevermind if some crazed maniac might be attempting to get in with you to cause mayhem.
“Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up every two hours?”
I’m to the age where I have to get up every 2 hours or so I guess I’m back to sleeping like a baby.
And I’m so old, I remember elevator operators and pushing the button rang a buzzer in the car.
Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know we obviously don’t have the money to pay them?
EVIL. It’s really THAT SIMPLE. It’s just plain EVIL.
You are SO right!
Did you ever stop and wonder…
ALL the time, really. Mostly about humans…
Me too. I keep coming to the same conclusion though. “We’re not going to make it are we? People, I mean.” (Thank you Sarah Connor Chronicles)
> Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?’
Anyone MINIMALLY OBSERVANT that that was how calves fed.
Not to mention that every single human, ever, was raised on the breast and knew exactly what tits were for.
Some of these questions say more about the person asking them…..
Same with the egg question. Surrounded by animals and birds that eat eggs.
> Who was the first person to say, ‘See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s ass.’
Anyone MINIMALLY OBSERVANT about what various animals would eat.
> Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Huh. MY freezer has lights. Yes, two – redundancy is a Good Idea.
>Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their ass when they ask where the bathroom is?
The first is understood. The second might be.. BADLY misinterpreted
>Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs !
One is a dog. The other is a DAWG. Work out which is which for yourself.
> Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Gee, maybe listen to your dentist and floss, brush, gargle, etc. ?
And just for a change of pace. Or even pange of chace:
MOO!
LOL, and Orvan is on a roll! Thanks all!
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
And Baa Baa Black Sheep…
What is the speed of dark?
A book by Elizabeth Moon.