Found this old one from back in the late 90s…
This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department…………..
Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she was suing the WordPerfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause.’
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’
Caller: ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect .’
Operator: ‘What sort of trouble?’
Caller: ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’
Operator: ‘Went away?’
Caller: ‘They disappeared’
Operator: ‘Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?’
Caller: ‘Nothing.’
Operator: ‘Nothing??’
Caller: ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’
Operator: ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?’
Caller: ‘How do I tell?’
Operator: ‘Can you see the ‘C: prompt’ on the screen?’
Caller: ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’
Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’
Caller: ‘There isn’t any cursor; I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.’
Operator: ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator?’
Caller: ‘What’s a monitor?’
Operator: ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?’
Caller: ‘I don’t know.’
Operator: ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’
Caller: ‘Yes, I think so.’
Opera tor: ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall..
Caller: ‘Yes, it is.’
Operator: ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? ‘
Caller: ‘No.’
Operator: ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.’
Caller: ‘Okay, here it is.’
Operator: ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer..’
Caller: ‘I can’t reach.’
Operator: ‘OK. Well, can you see if it is?’
Caller: ‘No…’
Operator: ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?’
Caller: ‘Well, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle — it’s because it’s dark.’
Operator: ‘Dark?’
Caller: ‘Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.’
Operator: ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’
Caller: ‘I can’t..’
Operator: ‘No? Why not?’
Caller: ‘Because there’s a power failure.’
Operator: ‘A power …. A power failure? Aha. Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?’
Caller: ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..’
Operator: ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.’
Caller: ‘Really? Is it that bad?’
Operator: ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’
Caller: ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?’
Operator: ‘Tell them you’re too damned stupid to own a computer!’
Momma said there’d be days like this…
The operator got fired? Why? They dint du nffin rong!
Long-time field fixit guy here. Unfortunately, I find this story plausible.
My first day on the new job sitting with the rest of the techs after a meeting. A Major Metropolitan Ho$pital has an issue; the tech calling them has been their main fixit guy for years. We can hear his end of the conversation.
Tech: “Hey, this is Jim, what’s up? Nothing’s moving? Is the interlock open? Close the lid and try it. Um, make sure nobody unplugged it from the wall. OK. Is the power light on? No? Press it. Oh, it’s moving now? Good. Bye.” {hangs up} “It wasn’t turned on. That idiot is their main operator and has run the machine for two years.” (we later repossessed the gear for non-payment)
I show up to do monthly preventive maintenance on some gear leased to a Major Life Insurance Company.
I find the JANITOR watching it run flawlessly while holding a power drill.
“Um, whatcha doin’?”
“They told me to fix the machine.”
“I didn’t get a page. What’s wrong?”
“These two parts are slippin’, an Imma drill a hole thru em n put in a pin.”
“Don’t touch it! That’s a clutch. It’s supposed to do that.”
A few months later, we sent the Sheriff to repossess it for non-payment.
Were the items still functional when they were repossessed?
TT: Dunno. I missed the fun. The first time the deputy showed, the customer claimed no knowledge of the gear.
Given my computer skills, I could be that customer.
Suz- Oh yeah…. sigh
Tree- Too honest, maybe?
Robert- Ouch, and yes, I can believe that!
Tuvela- What are the odds???
WSF- At least YOU admit it!
Lol, its funny because it is true. Some people are just that dense !!
Couple of years ago, my boss asked me if the extension cord we had would allow the drill to work where it was needed. I replied “It will if its long enough.” Boss looked at me and just laughed out loud. I’m glad he thought I was kidding ! :^)
None are exempt, early 1970s airborne nav aids flight line crew. Got call to taxiway, navigator was going to red flag op due to no radar altimeter. Entered cockpit of C130e, reached over instructor Major who was at nav desk. Flipped on/off switch to on position. Exited plane to laughter of 3/4s of flight crew. Never heard any kick back.
Friend gets a call to come fix the specialized printer he bought.
Friend says, Is it plugged in?
Customer cusses him out.
Friend says expenses, portal to portal if it’s not on us.
Air fare, hotel, rental, drive. Printer unplugged.
Yep, seen it several times when I was doing Field Service, both on production machinery, and again when I was doing IT things.
*sigh*
I’ll just offer “PEBKAC”
Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair.
Stretch, you totally beat me to PEBKAC. Story of my life.
Aircraft problems? Try replacing the “Stick Actuator”.
Computer problems? Reboot or re-power.
Wandering Neurons
The most unpredictable part of any vehicle is the nut behind the wheel.
I remember this one when it made the rounds the first time!
I asked the tech who does the exorcism, er, service on the Monster Printer at Day Job about oddest service call. In the past six months, the one about the copier that wouldn’t print was the winner.
The person was trying to get a basic copier/printer to copy onto already laminated posters “because we forgot something.”
Well, at the moment I am amused at the simple thing that I have not been able to get the computer to do correctly.
I’ve got some plans to figure out what is going on.
I may be quite a bit less amused, if I can confirm that it was all my error, and simply doing it wrong.
Had a very similar experience with a 2nd Lt at the Clark AB SAR office in 1988. I believe this story 100%.
Back before home computers, I was an Air Force avionics tech. We’d say, “Will not function in O-F-F Mode.”
I can see something now that I didn’t back then. We had one job – know everything about ONE electronics system on an F-111. The pilot needed to know all the systems, how to fly the airplane, how to keep the engines turning and burning, and all the mission stuff. It’s not surprising sometimes they forgot one of the hundreds of switches in that cockpit.