For us old farts…
Lovemaking Tips For Seniors
1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember.
6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don’t end up under the bed.
7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
8. Make all the noise you want… the neighbors are deaf, too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!
10. Don’t even think about trying it twice
. . . . . . . . . . . . … . . . . . . . . . . .
‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
Your sweetie says, ‘Let’s go upstairs and make love,’ and you answer, ‘Pick one; I can’t do both!’
‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police .
‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
‘Getting a little action’ means you don’t need to take a laxative today.
‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
‘Getting lucky’ means you find your car in the parking lot..
‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
An ‘all nighter’ means not getting up to use the bathroom.
‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
You’re not sure if these are facts or jokes.
Old is when..
it takes you longer to take your morning meds than it used to take to get dressed.
Old is when..
you have to wait until your Cheerios get soggy before you can eat them.
Pat- Both true…sigh
Old is when –
you finally open your car door after three tries with similar cars nearby (Damn it, what is wrong with this key ?).
Old FO, those first few were part of Little Jimmy Dickens shtick on the Grand Old Opry and the last several were Red Skelton. Yeah I am THAT old to remember who used these one liners but sis you notice NO 4 letter words
jrg- LOL, try it with over 100 of the SAME car in the parking lot…
George- You are correct, sir! And yes, I’m that old too!