Since it’s ‘almost’ spring and golf season…

1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
   ~ Grantland Rice

   2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
   ~ John Updike

   3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
   ~ Robert Lynd

   4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
   ~ Horace G. Hutchinson

   5. They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
   ~ Gardner Dickinson

   6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.
   ~ Sam Snead

   7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
   ~ William Wordsworth

   8. If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.
   ~ Dean Martin

   9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
   ~ Tommy Bolt

   10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
   ~ Bishop Sheen

   11. I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
   ~ Arnold Palmer

   12. My handicap? Woods and irons.
   ~ Chris Codiroli

   13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
   ~ Pete Dye

   14. I’m hitting the woods just great, but having a terrible time getting out of them!
   ~ Buddy Hackett

   15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.
   ~ Billy Graham

   16. If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
   ~ Jack Lemmon

   17. It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
   ~ Mark Twain

   18. Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
   ~ Harry Vardon

   19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.
   ~ Jimmy DeMaret

   20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.
   ~ Ben Hogan

   21. If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.
   ~ All Us Hackers

   22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.
   ~ George Deukmejian

   AND FINALLY……………

2. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
   ~ Lee Trevino

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Ten Best Caddy Comebacks. . .

Number :10

Golfer: “I think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.”

Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?”

Number : 9

Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.”

Caddy: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”

Number : 8

Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?”

Caddy: “Yes . . . . You miss the ball much closer now.”

Number : 7

Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?”

Caddy: “Eventually.”

Number : 6

Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.”

Caddy: “I don’t think so . . . .That would be too much of a coincidence.”

Number : 5

Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch all the time. It’s too much of a distraction.”

Caddy: “it’s a compass.”

Number : 4

Golfer: “How do you like my game?”

Caddy: “It’s very good – but personally, I prefer golf.”

Number : 3

Golfer: “Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?

Caddy: “The way you play, it’s a sin on any day.”

Number : 2

Golfer: “This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.”

Caddy: “This isn’t the golf course . . . . We left that an hour ago.”

And the Number : 1 . . . . Best Caddy Comeback:

Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it’s too old.”

Caddy: “It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir.”

Y’all have a good week!