They Walk Among Us!
I was at the checkout at Walmart, minding my own business, when the cashier rang up my total: $46.64. I handed her a crisp $50 bill. She looked me dead in the eye, gave me back $46.64, and continued scanning items like a professional.
Me: “Uh… I think there’s a mistake.”
Her: huffing dramatically “Sir, I am educated. I know what I’m doing.”
She pushed the money back at me like I was trying to scam her.
So, I did what any reasonable person would do—I gave it back.
She, once again, pushed it right back at me with extra attitude.
I shrugged, picked up my bags, and walked out with $46.64 in my pocket. a
They Walk Among Us…
I walked into Starbucks with a “Buy-One-Get-One-Free” coupon for a Grande Latte. The barista studied it like it was the Declaration of Independence, then turned to a chalkboard that read “Buy One, Get One Free.”
Her eyes lit up. “Oh! So that means… they’re both free!”
She happily handed me two free lattes.
I didn’t argue. I just walked out, sipping my victory.
They Walk Among Us…
One day, I was strolling along the beach with some friends when one of them gasped dramatically, pointed ahead, and yelled:
“Look! A dead bird!”
Another friend immediately looked up at the sky and asked, “Where?”
I just… I had no words.
They Walk Among Us…
My brother was house hunting and asked the real estate agent which direction was north. He explained that he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning.
The agent furrowed her brow. “Wait… does the sun rise in the north?”
My brother, thinking she was joking, laughed.
She was not joking.
He gently explained that the sun rises in the east… and, you know, has been doing that for quite a while now.
She shook her head and said, “Oh, I don’t keep up with all that stuff.”
I… I had to walk away.
They Walk Among Us…
Back when I worked in a 24/7 call center, a guy called and asked:
“What hours are you open?”
Me: “Sir, we’re open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.”
Him: “Okay, but is that Eastern or Pacific time?”
I stared at my screen for a solid 10 seconds before replying:
“Uh… Pacific.”
He thanked me and hung up, probably feeling proud of himself.
They Walk Among Us…
My sister has one of those emergency seatbelt cutters in her car—designed to save her life if she ever gets trapped.
She keeps it in the trunk.
They Walk Among Us…
My friends and I went to buy beer for a party. The store had a 10% discount on cases. Since we were professionals, we grabbed two cases.
The cashier did some quick mental math.
“Oh, two cases? That’s 10% + 10%… so you get 20% off!”
We all nodded and quietly accepted our new financial advisor.
They Walk Among Us…
At the airport, I couldn’t find my luggage, so I went to the lost baggage counter.
Me: “My bags never showed up.”
The lady smiled reassuringly. “Don’t worry, sir! I’m a trained professional. Now… has your plane landed yet?”
I blinked.
Me: “Nope, we’re still circling the airport. The pilot told us we’re third in line to land.”
Her: “Oh! Okay, well, come back after you land.”
…Sure thing, genius.
They Walk Among Us…
While working at a pizza place, I watched a man order a small pizza to-go.
Cook: “Would you like that cut into four or six slices?”
The man thought long and hard before replying:
“Better make it four. I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat six.”
Bless their hearts. They Walk Among Us…
Y’all have a good weekend!
That could never happen to me at Starbucks.
Back when electronic cash registers that automatically calculated your change, were just coming out, I was at a restaurant that still had the old mechanical register. I gave a cashier a few extra coins to make the change even quarters as I didn’t want a pocket full of pennies. She failed completely open, blank stare and all. I explained what my change should be, can’t remember if she called the manager over or not. Yes, they walk among us.
Better than failing closed and having her ignore you after calling out “Next!”.
Got change from a 100-dollar bill at Harbor Freight. The cashier even had help from the manager. Pushed a FULLY loaded shopping cart out the door with 92 dollars in my pocket.There is a point where you just shut up and humor the stupid.
We had an girl from Manhattan with us once as a contract translator. We were on top of a mountain, watching the sun rise. She had no idea that you could actually see the sun rise and set. She didn’t know it did that.
You can’t fool me, it has a dimmer switch on a timer. Duh!
McD’s drive-thru: I tendered an oddball amount to get back quarters. Took three agonizing attempts with me coaching to get the right amount. If I weren’t somewhat honest, I would’ve said “thank you” and driven away on the second attempt when I was handed my food and the amount tendered and the price of the food. A trifecta of commerce!
A long time ago, a then at time girlfriend wanted to spend more time with me and asked if it would be okay if she joined me fishing. Sure – no problem. But she wanted her own fishing pole. Okay.
So we go to shop and she is confronted with the myraid of fishing poles there. She tried a few (spin casting reel) and decided this pole was the one.
Then she caught me off guard. “What color should I get it in ?” I looked – sure enough, a lot of different colors. So I told her “Pick one that compliments your eyes.” She was happy with that answer.
Sigh… Yeah, I never get those cashiers either…
Main Lady and I are at the bank drive through window using a vacuum tube. I send my paycheck to the teller with a request to cash it, putting half in my checking account, half in cash. I get $12 too much back.
I’m ready to drive off, but Main Lady won’t hear of it. She gets on the intercom system and explains that the teller, bless her little heart, has given us too much money. I, thinking thoughts best left unspoken, send the whole works back.
I get $14 too much returned.
Oh no, we can’t drive off, the bank has thugs that will find us, and it isn’t the teller’s fault. So… wash, rinse, repeat.
I become $18 richer.
No! Just driving away would be cheating the bank, and dishonest, and sinful, and… whatever. Main Lady gives another explanation over the intercom, and I, thinking myself to be as dumb as a box of rocks, send the whole business back.
It gets returned, and I’m $21.50 richer. I think that maybe I should keep playing, but I’m not about to push my luck. I grab the loot, look Main Lady square in the eye and tell her No, this is mine.
There’s a moral here somewhere, but I don’t know what it is.
The one about keeping the knife in the trunk broke me up.
I walk among you.
One of the building residents asked me for my help. Her dome light wouldn’t turn off. I spent ten minutes looking for the dome light switch when another resident, who had operated a lock and key company, suggested closing all the doors. Duh!
In my defense,the car was a Malibu and foreign to me.
MJ- Sigh… LOL
WSF- Yeah, I know ‘that’ feeling…
WSF, any chance you could break a $100 bill for me?
TB: I’d be glad to; here’s a ten and 3 30’s.
TB- LOL
They walk among us AND they also reproduce. The good thing about the truly woke is that they mutilate their genitalia so that they can’t reproduce. But the stupid – seem to be prolific in their reproduction.
Lady was admiring the photos of Ireland that decorated my cubicle. Conversation lead to me mention St. Patrick had been a slave. “St. Patrick was Black?!?”
Home Depot upon installation of newfangled scanners in place of cashiers some years ago:
Me to employee: I don’t like these scanners – they are anti-labor.
Employee: Oh no! Nobody got laid off; they just cut our hours.
And now you know why ox head hurt so much.
Yes…they walk among us. And what’s worse….they breed, they drive and they vote. A significant percentage of the population whose existence guarantees my job in ER medicine will ALWAYS exist.