To start the week… especially if you’re in or were law enforcement…
You know you are an LEO if:
1) You have the bladder capacity of five people.
2) You have ever restrained someone & it was not a sexual experience.
3) You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air.
4) Your idea of a good time is a “man with a gun” call.
5) You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly towards you.
6) You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac & birth control pills.
7) You disbelieve 90% of what you hear & 75% of what you see.
8) You have your weekends off planned for a year.
9) You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
10) You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which it’s located.
11) You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: “Suicide…getting it right the first time.”
12) You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably.
13) You think caffeine should be available in IV form..
14) You believe anyone who says, “I only had two beers” is going to blow more than a .15
15) You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
16) Anyone has ever said to you, “There are people killing other people out there and you are here messing with me.”
17) People flag you down on the street & ask you directions to strange places…and you know where they’re located.
18) You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body.
19) You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession. (ISN’T THIS THE TRUTH)
20) You walk into places & people think it’s high comedy to grab their buddy & shout, “They’ve come to get you, Bill.”
21) You do not see daylight from November until May.
22) People shout, “I didn’t do it!” when you walk into a room & think they’re being hugely funny & original.
23) A week’s worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of socks, & 5 pairs of underwear.
24) You’ve ever referred to Tuesday as “my weekend”, or “this is my Friday”.
25) You’ve ever written off guns & ammunition as a business deduction..
26) You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, “Boy, it sure is quiet tonight.”
27) Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.
28) You find humor in other people’s stupidity.
29) You have left more meals on the restaurant table than you’ve eaten.
30) You feel good when you hear, “these handcuffs are too tight”.
No argument that some of these are relevant only to LEO, but some will apply to just about anyone with a mission to serve the public, such as school teachers.
By the way: I had to drive in the Dallas-Ft Worth area last week. I hope I NEVER have to do that again!
Oh my goodness , am I weird if I find this pretty bleak ? Some of these are funny , but I guess if your job entails daily encounters with the dark side of life it takes a toll . I’ve had friends who went into LE post military , but never stayed in touch , don’t know how they turned out . One of my former rural postal carriers was the retired county sheriff , he was loving his retirement and I think I know why . I’ve had very few interactions with law enforcement , I was respectful and they were respectful in return . I haven’t had a speeding ticket since 2006 , but prior to that every ticket I got I was in fact speeding . I also got more warnings , or “seatbelt” tickets (wink) , than speeding tickets that didn’t go against my driving record . All in all cops have been cool to me , makes me sad that they have a tough job. I wouldn’t want to do it , but I am glad for the good ones out there.
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, “Boy, it sure is quiet tonight.”
Yeah, the same for nuclear power plants as well. I suspect someone uttered that phrase (in Russian) minutes before Chernobyl exploded.
My wife says the same thing about emergency veterinary medicine (or order a pizza when it’s quiet, which would fall under #29 too).
My Dad was the peace officer. It bleeds down into the fambly, too.
It was 6th and Q from the time I can remember. Not the Pancake House.
Yep.
Driver door open, making a call. Both driver and passenger door opem, taking a leak.
Been there, done that and I’ve got the T-shirt. One of my favorites was: “These aren’t my pants!” Which you would be told as you frisked them and found interesting ‘stuff’.
My thing when LEO’s show up is “YIKES! It’s the cops! Don’t act suspicious!”
I only carried a badge for a couple of years post-Navy, but heard/did most of that. There’s a reason I switched to the Fire Dept thereafter.
All- Yep, when dealing with the ‘dregs’ day in and day out, the thousand yard stare and lack of trust leaks over…
Emergency Medical personnel (EMT/Paramedic/Ambulance Driver) can relate to 90% of those above. Nothing like clearing a sit-down restaurant of patrons when two (or more crews) are sharing a meal, trying to out-gross the others.
Recently, my caller-ID had me answering a call from a Sheriff’s Deputy acquaintance with “I’ve gotten rid of the bodies, but there’s still so much blood”. I got a real chuckle from him out of that one.
A. You know a Maglite is MUCH more than a flashlight.
B. You do NOT find a full moon romantic.
C. You can down a burger, fries, and soda between start and end of the dispatcher’s call.
D. Going Code Three with a 15 mile car chase and your pulse never goes above 80.
For “Vintage LEOs”
E. You’re the only one in the department still carrying a .38 revolver.
F. You’re also the only one who still scores 300 at every qual.
G. “You can’t take me, Old Man!” says the punk. “You’re right. That’s why I’m gonna shoot you.” And they assume the position.
H. You’re now on the THIRD generation of the same trash family … but at least they’re still juveniles.
A lot of these could come from people who work the ER.
OldNFO and Stretch both nailed it! Well done.
OldNFO and Stretch both nailed it! Well done.
That’s why I come here!