To start the week…

Golf

A couple of women were playing golf. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a man playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit him. He immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed to the man and began to apologize. She said, “Please allow me to help. I’m a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me to.”

“Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I’ll be all right… I’ll be fine in a few minutes, he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently moved his hands, loosened his pants, and  put her hand inside and began to massage him.

She then asked, “How does that feel?”

To which he answered, “Feels great, thank you, but my thumb still hurts like hell.”

++++++++++++

Psychiatrist and Proctologist

Best friends graduating from medical school at the same time decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.

Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist. They put up a sign reading: Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors. The town council was livid and insisted they change it.

The docs changed it to read: Schizoids and Hemorrhoids. This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign to read: Catatonics and High Colonics. This was also a no go. Next they tried Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives. Thumbs down again.

Then came Minds and Behinds – still no good. Another attempt resulted in Lost Souls and Butt Holes – unacceptable again! So they tried Nuts and Butts – no way. Freaks and Cheeks – still no good. Loons and Moons – forget it.

Almost at their wit’s end, the docs finally came up with: Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones – Specializing in Odds and Ends.

Everybody loved it.