To start the week…
Kinda, sorta humor, but also lots of truth…
A Sailor’s Thoughts:
Some random and rambling thoughts accumulated from various quarters over the years. A bit of introspection from an “older” sailor.
A sailor will walk 10 miles in a freezing rain to get a beer but complain mightily about standing a 4 hour quarterdeck watch on a beautiful, balmy spring day.
A sailor will lie and cheat to get off the ship early and then will have no idea where he wants to go.
Sailors are territorial. They have their assigned spaces to clean and maintain. Woe betide the shipmate who tracks through a freshly swabbed deck.
Sailors constantly complain about the food on the mess decks while concurrently going back for second or third helpings.
Some sailors have taken literally the old t-shirt saying that they should “Join the Navy. Sail to distant ports. Catch embarrassing, exotic diseases.”
After a sea cruise, I realized how much I missed being at sea. We are now considering a Med cruise visiting some of my past favorite ports. Of course I’ll have to pony up better than $5,000 for the privilege. To think, Uncle Sam actually had to pay me to visit those same ports 50 years ago.
You can spend two years on a ship and never visit every nook and cranny or even every major space aboard. Yet, you can know all your shipmates.
Campari (Italian liqueur considered an aperitif) and soda taken in the warm Spanish sun is an excellent hangover remedy.
E5 is the almost perfect military pay grade. Too senior to catch the crap details, too junior to be blamed if things go awry.
Never be first, never be last and never volunteer for anything.
Almost every port has a “gut.” An area teeming with cheap bars, easy women and partiers. Kind of like Bourbon St., but with foreign currency.
If the Guardia Civil tell you to “Alto,” you’d best alto, right now. Same goes for the Carabinieri, gendarmes and other assorted police forces. You could easily find yourself in that port’s hoosegow. Or shot.
Contrary to popular belief, Chief Petty Officers do not walk on water. They walk just above it.
Sad but true, when visiting even the most exotic ports of call, some sailors only see the inside of the nearest pub.
Also under the category of sad but true, that lithe, sultry Mediterranean beauty you spent those wonderful three days with and have dreamed about ever since, is almost certainly a grandmother now and buying her clothes from Omar the Tent maker.
A sailor can, and will, sleep anywhere, anytime.
Do not eat Mafunga, ever! ( An entree often served at college parties. Most often in the form of an erect penis served deep fried, sometimes even on a stick.)
Yes, it’s true, it does flow downhill.
In the traditional “crackerjack” uniform you were recognized as a member of United States Navy, no matter what port you were in. Damn all who want to eliminate or change that uniform.
The Marine dress blue uniform is, by far, the sharpest of all the armed forces.
Most sailors won’t disrespect a shipmate’s mother. On the other hand, it’s not entirely wise to tell them you have a good looking sister.
Sailors and Marines will generally fight one another, and fight together against all comers.
If you can at all help it, never tell anyone that you are seasick.
Check the rear dungaree pockets of a sailor. Right pocket a wallet. Left pocket a book.
The guys who seemed to get away with doing the least, always seemed to be first in the pay line and the chow line.
General Quarters drills and the need to evacuate one’s bowels often seem to coincide.
Speaking of which, when the need arises, the nearest head is always the one which is secured for cleaning.
Three people you never screw with: the doc, the paymaster and the ship’s Yeoman.
In the summer, all deck seamen wanted to be signalmen. In the winter they wanted to be radarmen.
Do snipes ever get the grease and oil off their hands?
Never play a drinking game which involves the loser paying for all the drinks.
There are only two good ships: the one you came from and the one you’re going to.
Whites, coming from the cleaners, clean, pressed and starched, last that way about 30 microseconds after donning them. The Navy dress white uniform is a natural dirt magnet.
Sweat pumps operate in direct proportion to the seniority of the official visiting.
Skill, daring and science will always win out over horseshit, superstition and luck.
We train in peace so that in time of war the greater damage will be upon our enemies and not upon ourselves.
“Pride and professionalism” trumps “Fun and zest” any day.
The shrill call of a bosun’s pipe still puts a chill down my spine.
Three biggest lies in the Navy: We’re happy to be here; this is not an inspection; we’re here to help.
Everything goes in the log.
Rule 1: The Captain is always right. Rule 2: When in doubt refer to Rule 1.
A wet napkin under your tray keeps the tray from sliding on the mess deck table in rough seas, keeping at least one hand free to hold on to your beverage.
Never walk between the projector and the movie screen after the flick has started.
A guy who doesn’t share a care package from home is no shipmate.
When transiting the ocean, the ship’s chronometer is always advanced at 0200 which makes for a short night. When going in the opposite direction, the chronometer is retarded at 1400 which extends the work day.
If I had to do it all over again, I would. Twice.
When I sleep, I often dream I am back at sea.
Good shipmates are friends forever
When asked what I did to make life worthwhile in my lifetime….I can respond with a great deal of pride and satisfaction, “I served a career in the United States Navy.”
Sigh, all mostly true which brings back memories of serving at sea, adjusting the clock, fair weather and foul, climbing through the ranks, port visits, Thanks Old NFO!
Was not aware of that about Campari. Ah well, not like I’ll need it medicinally nowadays. Since I had to bid ‘Ethyl’ goodbye.
When you are all caught up on PMS , continue to walk around as if you are on a mission with a pissed off scowl , carrying a tool bag and an MRC card . The higher ups will assume you are busy , and your buddies won’t mess with you because they’ll be afraid that you may drag them into your current perceived shttstorm . Proceed to “smoking area” to “smoking area” but maintain pissed off face . Chiefs use a clipboard vs tool bag .
Tired of needle gunning rust in an enclosed shtthole ? Take a break by putting a rubber band around the trigger and lay it in an angle iron and let it continue to make a racket , find a comfy spot and lay back , ain’t nobody going to crawl in that hole to check on you , that work ain’t going any where f’it !
That is true about the food. My Dad went to basic in 1951 weighing 135lbs. When he walked off the Wisconsin the last time in 1955, he was at 175.
And he kept a set of blues in a cedar chest he had made in Hong Kong on their last cruise until he died. They are still there and I’m thinking about donating them to our local history museum.
1. The square bit on the back of a sailor’s collar is for the marine to hang onto.
2. Only tell this (1.) joke where heavily armed allies outnumber the marine minimum five to one.
3. Marines care not a whit about being outnumbered, or surrounded, or outgunned.
4. Heavily armed allies are not impressed with your ability to stir things up.
5. Marines hit really, really hard; good thing you only caught one punch in six, thanks to friends (2.).
6. Marines have a robust sense of humor; even a bird colonel won’t press a charge, no matter how many of your teeth he picked out of his knuckles and added to his collection.
Been friends with many Marines on active duty , never started shtt with them nor brought up they were under the Dept of the Navy . We wore the same ribbons , but they do like to fuck with squids , Marines running gate guard were the worst , often pulled you to the side to give the vehicle and you a good “once over” . Been guilty of that myself , on shore duty , go all “super vigilant ” , almost got run over by an Admiral’s wife , who had her DOD sticker on her bumper of her Mercedes 450SL (east coast) whilst Pearl Harbor had the sticker up top by the rear view mirror . She was pretty perturbed . This was right after OKC McVey bullshit . Bitch almost hit me. I never served on a gator freighter never had much interaction on Liberty overseas with a joint liberty call .
“You could easily find yourself in that port’s hoosegow. Or shot.”
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Ya. One of my USN friends of a long time ago told me of an opportunity he had to tour some ancient temple ruins (somewhere in the Aegean, can’t remember now) after his ship transited the Dardanelles. The tour guide admonished them NOT to try to take home any piece of anything as a souvenir. Not even a rock picked off the ground. “How many of you saw the movie ‘Midnight Express?'” the tour guide asked, then added – “Our prisons *really are* like that.”
>When asked what I did to make life worthwhile in my lifetime….I can respond with a great deal of pride and satisfaction, “I served a career in the United States Navy.<
In my case, I proudly served in Strategic Air Command! (But most of the above applies when edited for Missile Launch Crew)
Before hitting a new port, familiarize yourself with the words for beer, women, bathroom, and taxicab.
and Kaopectate….Imodium…..Pharmacy
E-5 was definitely the catbird’s seat.
Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down.
You really can sleep standing up. Just not for very long.
You can sleep anywhere; I fell asleep on the x-ray table. Sober.
LOL, seems I’ve brought back a memory or two for folks! And they were mostly good! I’ll take that as a win!
Former boss was enlisted Navy when the “Z” uniforms were in use. He visited his grandmother who said “I thought you had joined the navy.” “I did!” “Which country?”
You can always tell a Marine. You just can’t tell ’em much.
USN is just Uber for the Marines.
Both brothers-in-law were Navy. I make sure to speak slowly to them.
Ah, what would we do without inter-service rivalry? But mess with one you mess with all!
Well Done, Sir!
“A sailor will lie and cheat to get off the ship early and then will have no idea where he wants to go.”
Oh, how true.
Among other tasks, I operated a 27′ Bridge Erection Boat in an Army Float Bridge Company. We used standard naval terms, port, starboard, etc. unless we had Navy or Marine visitors (of any rank). Hey, you need to have fun when you get a chance.
Dry heaves 20′ out on the jib boom furling a sail, “Suffer bastard, suffer!” is the first mates advice…..