The Week AFTER Christmas…

‘Twas the week after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d never said, “No thank you, please.”

As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt—

I said to myself, as I only can
“You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!”

So–away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
“Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won’t have a cookie–not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore—
But isn’t that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

Author unknown (at least to me)

But based on the amount of food consumed, AND the amount left over, this is pretty much true!!!


The Week AFTER Christmas… — 12 Comments

  1. Here, I thought you were so clever writing your poem! Sounds like me, but I’m not ready to do battle with dirt. I need to get the books ready for the tax man cometh.

    Well Seasoned Fool said it best!

  2. I am in agreement with the words…

    But I still have one quart of eggnog left…. and it makes such GOOD french toast!


    I have given up on using the scale for the season, ever since that little beam arm thingie flew off and stuck into the wall, the last time I tried using it. Damn near skewered the dog!

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