Santa is a WOMAN???


YMMV on this one…

I think Santa Claus is a woman…. 
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he’s a she. 
Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could  possibly pull it all off! 
For starters, the vast majority of men don’t even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves.  On this count alone, I’m convinced Santa is a woman. 
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag. 
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there.  First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted  and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen’s rack would already 
be on the way to the taxidermist.  Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he’d still have  transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. 
Other reasons why Santa can’t possibly be a man: 
    – Men can’t pack a bag. 
    – Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet. 
    – Men would feel their masculinity is threatened…having to be seen with all those elves. 
    – Men don’t answer their mail. 
    – Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a “bowlful of jelly.” 
    – Men aren’t interested in stockings unless somebody’s wearing them. 
    – Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women. 
  – Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. 
I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men………Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous.  Definite guy. 
Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.  Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. 
But not St. Nick.  Not a chance. 

h/t Vicki

Comments

Santa is a WOMAN??? — 12 Comments

  1. Not only that, but the very NAME indicates a woman.

    “Santa” is the feminine version of “Saint” in Latin. Santa Barbara, Santa Rosa, Santa Ana, etc.

    The masculine version is “San”… San Jose, San Francisco, San Diego, etc.

    The reindeer are female, too…

  2. I had no idea. My Dad always had us leave out beer and pretzels for Santa every year.

    That’s cool. I can dig a woman who likes beer and pretzels.

  3. This makes so much sense . . . .

    I thought men were smarter than to bust their a$$es like Santa does on Christmas Eve . . . . . let the “little woman” do it instead . . . . she’s got one smart hubby!!!

  4. Andy- 🙂

    Jeff- Another good point!

    MSgt- Figures… LOL

    eia- You’re going to get me in trouble yet…

  5. wow! that really answers a lot of questions for me… Who would have thought!

    here is one more to add, since Santa likes to hand out “Free” toys every where, is it safe to say that not only is Santa a women, but she is a Liberal feminist. I think the whole wearing of red, is a statement of some sort.

  6. Heck… now I have this image of a big…jack boots wear’n, unshaven…pipe smok’n, bossy… woman wearing red…

    Dammit

  7. JUGM- LOL

    Rev- Point!

    CP- What can I say…

    Brighid- Well, it IS California…

    Agirl- 🙂

    Miss Em- 😛