Can’t find anything good to say, so I’m going with jokes… sigh…
It seems that God was tired, and wanted to take a vacation. However, being everywhere at once, it was a little difficult for him to decide on where to go. So, he called the Archangel Gabriel in on the carpet…
GOD: Gabe, I’ve got a problem, and I was hoping you could help me out.
GABRIEL: I’ll try lord.
GOD: Well, I need a vacation, and I can’t decide where I should go, and I was hoping that you could give me some suggestions.
( Gabriel thinks intently for a few seconds,…)
GABRIEL: How about Mercury? That’s a nice place.
GOD: Nope, too hot. It takes all night to get over the sun-burn you got during the day.
( Gabriel thinks a little longer…..)
GABRIEL: Hmmmm,…. Well, how about Mars?
GOD: Nope, Mars is too much of a party place. All that whooping and hollering, I never get any rest when I go there.
( Gabriel is starting to get a little desperate by this time….)
GABRIEL: Well, how about Earth?
GOD: NO!! No Way!! The last time I went there, I got this little Jewish girl pregnant, and I haven’t heard the end of that yet!
Here’s another one….
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.”
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer,
“So, how’s it going down there in hell?”
Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”
God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake -he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”
Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”
God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”
And a couple of pics that kinda say it all…
I REALLY need one of these for the commute to work…
And in other news, the meter is damn near pegged with the BS going on around this town…
Please go visit the folks on the sidebar, they’re all good reads!!!
Thanks for the smiles and morale boost. 🙂
I’d like to have that vehicle if I was in the world of The Walking Dead.
That vehicle is what I need for the neighborhood I presently live in.
Thanks for the laughs!
Has ML asked you where he can buy that yet?:-)
Speaking of God on vacation, and lawyers at the pearly gates…
* * * * *
God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael, the Archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired, “Where have you been?”
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.”
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, “What is it?”
“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put life on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a place of great Balance.”
“Balance?” inquired Michael, “I’m still confused.”
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. “For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Some parts of the planet will be extremely hot, while others will be very cold and covered in ice.”
God continued pointing to different areas. “I’ve placed a continent of white people here, and over there is a continent of black people, and another continent for yellow people. Balance in all things.”
The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land area and said, “What’s that part of the world?”
“That’s America, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things.”
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, “But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance.”
God smiled, “Right in the middle of America I’ve created a place called Washington, D.C. Wait till you see the idiots I put there.”
* * * * *
Forty lawyers showed up at the pearly gates, asking for admission. St. Peter had never seen forty lawyers at the same time, and didn’t know quite what to do.
“Wait here,” he told them, “I have to go up the chain of command.”
He hurried to the Throne. “Lord,” he said, “There are forty lawyers standing at the pearly gates. What do I do?”
God said, “True, it is an unusual situation. But just give them the standard morality test, and admit the five highest scores.”
St. Peter headed back to his post. A minute later, he came running back to the Throne. “They’re gone! They’re gone!” he shouted.
“Do you mean to say all forty of them just up and left?” God asked.
“No, no!” said St. Peter. “It’s the pearly gates! They’re gone!”
Opus- You’re welcome…
Robert- Yep, that would work!!!
WSF- Ouch…
Keads- You’re welcome!
PH- Doug Chenowith… Just sayin… 🙂
Tim- Good ones, thanks!!!
Thank for the laughs
Rick- You’re welcome!
I wouldn’t mind being the backseat rider in that…
Larry- 🙂