If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. There’s no use in making a fool of yourself.
Someone who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is then
walks away with your watch.
The problem drinker is the one who never buys.
Husar’s Rule of Survival: Pack your own parachute.
If it works right the first time, you’ve obviously done something wrong.
Jesuit Principle. It is better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.
A fool and his money are welcomed everywhere.
Don’t try to solve all life’s problems at once – learn to dread each day as it
comes.
A man can have more money than brains; but not for long.
If you have to travel on a Titanic, why not go first class?
You’re only as old as you feel — the next day.
Golden Rule of Menus. If you can’t pronounce it, you can’t afford it.
Thank God it’s Friday – only two more working days this week.
When it is necessary to choose between ignorance and stupidity, choose ignorance, it’s curable.
The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match.
3 Rules of Ruination. There a 3 ways to be ruined in this world: first is by sex, second is by gambling and the third is by engineers. Sex is the most fun, gambling is the most exciting, and engineers are the surest.
Husar’s Do-It-Yourself Code. (1) Any tool left on top of a ladder will fall off and hit you in the head. (2) Any rope left dragging from any object will catch on something. (3) For the successful completion of any task requiring tools, it is necessary to bleed at least once.
Only the lead dog sees changes in the scenery; everyone else sees an asshole.
When I started dating the hot chick in Philly, (wife) she owned an Audi Fox. (Even the German auto engineers get it wrong once in a while.)
Every time I worked on that car I was going to bleed, so I learned to just poke myself with a pin and rub the drop of blood on the engine. Even the token sacrifice was enough to satisfy the car’s need for human sacrifice.
John in Philly
You had me at the first one. LMAO
“If at first you don’t succeed; don’t join the Riggers”
-Sign seen at the rigging shop at Ft. Benning
Mack’s corollary to the DIY Code:
“Any task requiring a power tool will need X+1 batteries; whereas “X” is the number of batteries charged and available”
John- Yep, I’ve had a few like that too… And I have the scars to prove it!
Fargo- Good! 🙂
SPE- Oh hell yes… That one popped up this last week… And we didn’t have a single speed wrench there… sigh
The first one has been credited to WC Fields.
Good Ones
WSF- I kinda thought that, but I wasn’t sure…
Rick- Thanks!
Another DIY law: the probability of having to go to the hardware store for one more pipe fitting is inversely proportional to the height of the crawl space multiplied by the distance you have to low crawl backwards to get out to go to the store.
When I started dating the hot chick in Philly, (wife) she owned an Audi Fox. (Even the German auto engineers get it wrong once in a while.)
Every time I worked on that car I was going to bleed, so I learned to just poke myself with a pin and rub the drop of blood on the engine. Even the token sacrifice was enough to satisfy the car’s need for human sacrifice.
John in Philly
You had me at the first one. LMAO
“If at first you don’t succeed; don’t join the Riggers”
-Sign seen at the rigging shop at Ft. Benning
Mack’s corollary to the DIY Code:
“Any task requiring a power tool will need X+1 batteries; whereas “X” is the number of batteries charged and available”
John- Yep, I’ve had a few like that too… And I have the scars to prove it!
Fargo- Good! 🙂
SPE- Oh hell yes… That one popped up this last week… And we didn’t have a single speed wrench there… sigh
The first one has been credited to WC Fields.
Good Ones
WSF- I kinda thought that, but I wasn’t sure…
Rick- Thanks!
Another DIY law: the probability of having to go to the hardware store for one more pipe fitting is inversely proportional to the height of the crawl space multiplied by the distance you have to low crawl backwards to get out to go to the store.