These pick up where I left off last year… So the first one is #279 if anybody’s counting…

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

Aging seems the only available way to live a longer life.

My brain is like the Bermuda Triangle, Information goes in and then it’s never found again.

I’ve reached the age when my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

Some people just need a sympathetic pat… on the head …. with a hammer

If pro is the opposite of con then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!!

A woman’s rule of thumb. If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it.

If voting could really change anything, it would be illegal.

Make love, not war. Hell, do both: get married.

At the feast of ego, everyone goes hungry.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Beauty is only a light switch away.

For every winner, there are dozens of losers. Chances are you’ll be one of them.

Quiters never win, winners never quit. But who never win and never quit are idiots.

You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you didn’t take, and, statistically speaking, 99% of the shots you do.

If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.

It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.

If you can’t do something well, enjoy doing it poorly.

Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who are trying to find it.

Not all pain is gain.

If we don’t take care of the customer, maybe they’ll stop bugging us.

It is always darkest just before it goes pitch black.