Not working today… Just enjoying life, so humor…
TOP 31 THINGS THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR SOUTHERN BOYS SAY:
31. When I retire, I’m movin’ north.
30. Oh I wouldn’t dare; she’s only sixteen……..
29. I’ll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.
28. Duct tape won’t fix that.
27. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.
26. We don’t keep no guns in this house.
25. You can’t feed that to the dog.
24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
23. Wrestling is fake.
22. We’re vegetarians.
21. Do you think my gut is too big?
20. I’ll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
19. Honey, we don’t need another dog.
18. Who gives a sh** who won the Civil War?
17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
15. I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
14. Trim the fat off that steak.
13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
12. The tires on that truck are too damn big.
11. I’ve got it all on the thumb drive.
10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
9. My fiancée is registered at Tiffany’s.
8. I’ve got two cases of Zima iced down for the Super Bowl.
7. Checkmate!
6. She’s too young to be wearing that bikini.
5. Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
4. I don’t have a favorite football team.
3. Youse Guys.
2. Those cutoffs ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY:
1. No more beer for me. I’m driving down to help in the Hillary Campaign.
h/t Timmy
I was looking to argue with you about some of those things on the list, but darn it, you’re right. You’d never hear a Southern boy say that. I’ve never heard anybody say, “can you bbq my tofu medium rare” either. Or, “I think I’ll have a soy late instead of a black coffee.” Or, “I need a gluten free waffle, an egg white omelette and one piece of turkey bacon for breakfast”.
“I’m not holding your beer! You’ll kill yourself!”
+1
You got that shit right. Posting it on FB, too.
Think we might have heard one of those in N Cali, but we can’t be sure cause nobody ever saw him again…
At the NASCAR race:
Snack Bar: “Can I substitute bean curd for french fries?”
In the Beer Line: “Do you sell near-beer?”
In the Stands:
— “Gee, those cars are too loud.”
— “Why don’t the cars have ads for feminine hygiene products on them?”
— “I’m not comfortable attending a race where the drivers are not ethnically diverse enough.”
— “It’s 5 pm, time for the muezzin to call prayer. STOP THE RACE! Let’s all get on our knees and face Mecca.”
That’s funny, right there – I don’t care who y’are.
#28 is incorrect. There are things that duct tape don’t fix. That’s what baling wire is for!
Or chewing gum…..
Applies with equal vigor to the backwoods areas of Vermont… but there aren’t too many of us left, dang it.
All- Glad y’all enjoyed them!
Posted from my iPhone.
🙂 It also applies to a few good men from Connecticut. But I am biased there! He doesn’t like pork rinds or football or a few other food things on the list, but I’m trying to convince him to build a chandelier out of the antlers…
Actually, #4 applies to me. Just don’t give a damn about grown men playing a little kids’ game. Andy Griffith’s “What it was, was football” seems like a pretty good description of the whole to-do.
I would add #11, but I’m not dumb enough to be that cocksure. I might have missed something, which I usually discover during an onsite when I look for a manual for an unfamiliar piece of equipment.
And yes, I was born & raised in Tennessee; grew up here & in East Texas & western Kentucky.
+1 LL
Hi NFO,
#13……Hmmmmmmm???? ‘Down heah’ in South Louisiana if someone questions the caliber of their coffee, ya’ just have to give it the “Float test!!”……if the spoon “floats” then’ it’s about right!!
Now for the “Cappuccino!!”…’Well, you ain’t seen nuttin’ yet!!! ‘Got one of those Krupp “Mini Espresso” machines with the spigot on the side to froth up yer’ cream for the Cap.!! Here’s where the fun begins!! ‘Ya get a 12 oz. beer mug and put a jigger each of Coffee Liquor (Kaulua), Irish Cream (I like McCormick’s), dark Rum, and either (Amaretto, Frangillico, or pecan liquor) brew up a carafe of yer Espresso and when the steam comes up froth up all the goodies and pour the whole carafe over the Froth!!! Especially on a “Cold Morning” if that doesn’t “Light yer Fire!!” nothing will!! I named the concoction “The Black Death Cocktail!!” it came about at the Dropzone on one of those “Cold Mornings!!” If anybody tries it…let me know what ya’ think??
BSBD,
III%,
skybill-out
To my last post, if you have some “Jameson’s” that can be added to the list if you wish!!
III%,
skybill-out