A little humor…

This is just for the ladies… everyone else can skip 🙂

I haven’t found Mr Right, but I have found Mr Cheap, Mr Sleazy and Mr Wrong

Next mood swing: 6 minutes

I’m in touch with my inner bitch

Don’t stare at me, buy me a drink.

It ain’t the size, it’s… no, it’s the size.

Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

Not Drunk. Just Blonde.

Therapy has taught me nothing is my fault

So many men… so few who can afford me.

You can either agree with me, or be wrong

I’m busy. You’re ugly. Have a nice day.

I have PMS, an SUV, and no chocolate. Were you considering cutting me off?

I’m really easy to get along with, once you learn to worship me.

Veni, Vedi, VISA: I Came, I Saw, I did a little shopping.

And which dwarf are you?

Don’t worry. It’ll only seem kinky the first time.

I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of crap.

I’m sorry honey, I just don’t have the energy to fake it tonight.

51% Angel, 49% Bitch. Don’t push it!

God made us sisters: prozac made us friends

You can stare at my as* all you like but you aren’t getting a piece!

I love you. Leave me alone. Where have you been all day?

I want my man to have a VCR: Very Cute Rear

I’m not infantile … You stinkybutt poophead.

You Say B*tch Like It’s A Bad Thing

Bad driver on board

Chaos, panic, disaster, I think my work here is done

I can SO drive

I have PMS 5 children a disloyal husband and a gun! Any questions??

Oh, I’m Easy… I’m just not Cheap!

You KNOW you want me.

0% Angel, 100% Bitch, 100% Your Fault

Yet another bitterly single thirtysomething proud to be a bitch

Starlight Starbright, where the hell is Mr Right ?

I have a pc, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why did I even leave the house?

And for us guys…

The Rules

  1. The Female always makes the rules.
  2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification
  3. No male can possibly know all the rules.
  4. If the Female suspect the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
  5. The Female is NEVER wrong.
  6. If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
  7. If rule six applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
  8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.
  9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.
  10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
  11. The male must remain calm at all times; unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
  12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the mail know whether or not whe wants him to be angry or upset.
  13. Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.
  14. If the Female has PMS, all rules are null and void.


A little humor… — 14 Comments

  1. Read this and remember that no matter how good she looks, some man somewhere got tired of putting up with her shit.

  2. From my married male viewpoint:
    1. “Yes Dear” nullifies most arguments and answers most questions
    2. “What’s hers is hers, what’s mine is hers. Except my colds, I do not share my colds”
    3. “I can be right or I can be happy”
    4. If I’m shopping BY MYSELF and the cashier asks if I’d like a bag, I sometimes respond “No thanks, I left her at home”. I usually get a big grin with that one

  3. Ian/Roger- LOL, NOT going there…

    WSF- Heh, they gotta find me first…

    MJ- Point!

    WN- Agreed, except for #4. Don’t have one any more!

  4. Harumpf! *gathers skirts and flounces off to have a hissy fit, once the papers are graded and new worksheets made and printed off and the test-key double-checked and a short story is revised*

  5. Pa used to, sometimes, reply to “Have a nice day.” with “I’d like to, but someone has other plans.” Ma… was not always appreciative of this response.