Kinda, sorta… 🙂

In the beginning, God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, combined with an abundance of green, yellow and red vegetables. He did this so that Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then, using God’s bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Whip and Ice Cream. And Satan said: “You want hot fudge with that?” And Man said “Yes!” And Woman said: “I’ll have one too… with sprinkles”. And lo and behold, they gained 10 pounds.

And so God created the healthful yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.

So God said: “Try my fresh green garden salad”. And Satan presented crumbled Blue Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said: “I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them”. And Satan brought forth deep-fried squid rings, butter-dipped lobster chunks, and fried chicken so big it needed its own platter. And Man’s cholesterol sharply increased.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin, sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man packed on more pounds.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan introduced cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretchy lycra jogging suits.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald’s and the 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then Satan said: “You want fries with that?” And Man replied: “Yes! And super-size them!” And Satan said “It is good”. And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed… and created quadruple by-pass surgery. Satan chuckled and created the public health system.

And here we are…


Humor… — 6 Comments

  1. In a similar tune:
    Charlie and Annabelle lived together in connubial bliss for 85 years following their marriage right after high school graduation. They raised seven healthy and happy children, and had innumerable great-great grandchildren. They blessed the community with their service, and were universally respected for their example of wisdom and generous nature.
    On the occasion of their 80th anniversary, when they were both 98, they were interviewed by a national news magazine. What is the secret of your happiness and longevity, the reporter asked.
    The secret of happiness is to love one another, and never go to bed mad, and always seek to be a servant, replied Charlie.
    The secret of longevity is daily walks, and bran muffins, added Annabelle.
    At the mention of bran muffins, Charlie made a face.

    They were 103 years old when they celebrated their 85th anniversary. That night, as always, Charlie gave Annabelle a kiss upon retiring, and they spoke to each other of their love, and drifted off to sleep, side by side, holding hands. And while sleeping, they passed from this life to the next.

    They rejoiced at finding themselves in Heaven, being greeted by Saint Peter. Peter welcomed them in, and after a brief tour, took them to the dining hall, where a great feast was spread out before them. Upon seeing the delicious roasts, chops, fish, fowl, accompanied by wonderful fruits and vegetables, with large bowls of gravy and sauces everywhere, both Charlie and Annabelle were astounded.

    Is this for us? they asked.
    Yes, said Saint Peter. This is the Great Feast of the Blessed.

    Upon hearing this, Charlie turned to Annabelle, and swatted her on the bottom. What was that for, she cried.

    If it hadn’t been for your stupid bran muffins, we could have been here twenty years ago, Charlie retorted.

  2. I had me oneathem 4-way bypasses last year. Fixed me up a treat!