It’s been a lousy week weather wise, news wise, etc…

So… a little humor for your Friday!

Bloopers from Young Frankenstein…

And some ‘simple’ explanations of ‘isms’…

You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

You have two cows.
You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

You have two cows
But you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

You have 5000 cows.
None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them, you claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

You have two cows.
You worship them.

You have two cows.
Both are mad.

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the shit out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

You have two cows.
They are unhappy and would rather live in Australia.


Humor… — 15 Comments

  1. The Aussie cows are unhappy and want to move to NZ. The grass around Christcurch, Omaru, and Dunedin are what Wisconsin dreams of. Southern hemisphere Cadbury chocolate comes from NZ, with excellent milk and cream used.

      • I’ve seen the green N.Z. grass, and here in Australia, grass that green in particular, such quantity is not common.
        As for the terrible event there, some questions need answers.
        The first responders took 17 minutes to arrive on scene, Christchurch isn’t not a big city.
        The shooter had at least five semi-automatic weapons in his small car, I don’t know the laws in N.Z. regarding them here in Australia it is very difficult to legally obtain one, and (here),ammunition sales are monitored.
        The shooter had at least one large capacity drum magazine as seen in the start of his video, I’d have to wonder about the legality there.
        The shooter said in his 78 page manifesto that this Mosque was not his intended target, he’d only come to N.Z. to ‘train’, then go elsewhere, either in N.Z. or Australia (again, speculation on my part).
        Currently both here in Australia and N.Z., if an unarmed ‘Security Guard’ so much as touches an offender, that guard is in all sorts of trouble, yet it is abundantly clear now that there has to be a complete shift in this attitude. As the saying goes, ‘When seconds count, the Police are only (17) minutes away’, clearly, very significant changes MUST occur in N.Z. and Australia.

        • I haven’t seen a scenario that hard to believe since the IRA took Nakatomi Towers back in 1988.

    • Cadbury’s chocolate is lo longer made in NZ, they closed the Dunedin factory last year. General consensus amongst Kiwi’s is that Cadbury’s chocolate tastes like crap anyway. If you want real Kiwi chocolate, buy Whittakers (if you can find it!)

  2. I’m thinking that the cow humor might have been better yesterday because of cow pies.

  3. PK- THat’s true…

    McC- That is truly sad, and what happens when the public is disarmed and the criminals aren’t!

    John- Ah yes, flying cow flops! LOL

  4. LL- Yep!

    Ed- 🙂

    Stuart- Yes, LOTS of questions… NZ gun laws aren’t as restrictive as yours, but not as loose as ours either. Question is, how did the Aussie perp get that rifle?

  5. McChuck: I too, have run cadence to that sentiment.

    Think it’s Halal grass?

    It’s all fun and games with random suicide bombings and peace trucks crashing through Christmas markets, but when something equally evil is visited on them the howling starts.

    Reap the whirlwind. Evil begets evil. That asshole wasn’t on my team, I’ll not apologize for him.

  6. I have heard that cows think Brenham, TX is Heaven.

  7. Well that was a cheery thing to read after driving through the metrosprawl. RBS cows… hahahahaha.