Bad… bad… Lexophiles

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic.  It’s syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore.

I know a guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married.  They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.  That’s the point of it.

I didn’t like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.  I just can’t put it down.


Bad… bad… Lexophiles — 13 Comments

  1. Yesterday, I drove through Grey Man country, crossing Pecos County on the way to a behind-the-lines visit to the grandkids in California. A couple sheriff’s deputies were working an accident on I-10 and my thoughts drifted naturally to “where’s the next book?” It says a lot that these characters are so loved and embedded in a sense of place that crossing the Pecos makes the usual desire to hear more about them even stronger. They’re family and we never tire of hearing more about them Even though it may be an author’s view that he’s created a monster of demand, he only has himself to blame. Maybe if I start over and read them from the beginning, there’ll be a new one by the time I’m done.

  2. Did you hear about the stewardess who backed into an airplane propeller? Disaster.

    You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her…

  3. Bad dog, Antique. Bad, bad, dog. No biscuit.

    The trouble is, once I begin reading them, I can’t stop. I may never be the same.

  4. I read most out loud and my wife laughed, so thank you.
    Happy wife, happy life.

    I swear I thought a lexophile was someone who loved law.