Day whatever… Hic…

You know if you keep a glass of wine in each hand you can’t accidentaly touch your face.
This cleaning with alcohol is total b.s. NOTHING gets done after that first bottle.
Kinda starting to understand why pets try to run out of the house when the door opens.
Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands???
I’m so excited it’s time to take the garbage out. I wonder what I should wear?
You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people home schooled by day drinkers…
Your Quarantine name is the last thing you ate and your high school mascot. Me? Licorice Warrior
Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture.”
Home schooling question: Does having your children fix you mixed cocktails count as chemistry? (Sorry, I’m new at this)
Where’s your husband?….In the garden….I didn’t see him….You just need to dig a little deeper.
My Mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by laying in the bed all day, but look at me now! I’m saving the world!
If you get an email with the subject “Knock Knock” don’t open it. It’s a Jehovah Witness working from home.
I miss the days when we were terrified of Romaine lettuce. Ahh, the good times….
I swear my fridge just said: “what the hell do you want now?”
Coronavirus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We’re told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
Whoever owes you money, go to their house now. They should be home.
I’m giving up drinking for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Drinking for a month.

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter —– The Living Room or The Bedroom

PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog….. we laughed a lot.

So, after this quarantine…..will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

I’m so excited — it’s time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I’m getting tired of Los Livingroom.

Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year”…. I’m offended.

Homeschooling Day #9: they all graduated. #Done.


Day whatever… Hic… — 31 Comments

  1. Pecorino Penne Lion checking in.

    We were checking out from a bulk food store last week and I noticed a gent buying food and a shovel. I wondered if something had already gone wrong at his house, or he was planning for the future. (yes, gloves and masks)

    The sight of the gent with the shovel in his cart got me thinking, who doesn’t already own a shovel?
    Furthermore, and much like firearms, one should own a shovel that fits the task at hand.

    • Going on how many shovels are for sale in all the hardware stores, I would guess that a LOT of people don’t own a shovel … yet.

    • “Why do you have a shovel in your trunk?”

      “So when things go wrong, I can dig my way out of them.”

      And I’ve dug my way out of stuck situations many times. More than a few in my own driveway.

    • “Why do you have a shovel and broom in the back of your pickup?”

      “Fire season. Next question?”

      Yes, I have been the second person on the scene of a pending grass fire. Shovel for dirt, and broom and water for beating out embers and the like. The other person had called the fire department and was directing traffic (she was in her 80s and frail.) We think it was a dragging chain that sparked, or someone tossed a ciggy butt out the window.

  2. Oh Lord, its too hard to typpe. the laughhing fits. good thing coffewee dwn.

  3. Not going upstairs with the wife for her PT, preferring to remain in the lobby just inside the entrance. It is very interesting to see the ingenuity, variety, creativity, and whatever that goes into making masks. I’ve been gone from New Orleans since 1963, but I swear the mask parade is almost as good as Mardi Gras, and a hell of a lot safer, based on New Orleans’ health hit this year.

  4. Chocolate Bulldog. Actually kind of like that one, lol.

    Gallows humor, always try to the bright side of the situation.

    First day to required mask wearing. Walked the dog and had a helluva time seeing through my fogged eyeglass lenses. Almost walked into wrong driveway coming back home …

  5. Cookie Raider. Those were funny. I’ll likely steal a couple.

  6. Hey Old NFO;

    Hot Pocket Mustang Checking in Here. This lockdown is rough, the Warden is really putting the screws to the chain gang…..

  7. Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year”. I’m offended.

    Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year”.

    “So do I.”

  8. Thanks for the post. I had a few good laughs here. I stole a few one-liners and spread them around a bit – laughter being good medicine and all.

  9. Hot Dog Tiger (Uhh, Maybe not)

    “Why do you have a shovel in your trunk?”
    “For the last guy that asked me a stupid question.”

  10. My highschool didn’t have any sports teams, but my class did vote me plenipotentiary authority to make bullshit claims about the highschool.

    Gummie Mass Murderers.

    My highschool class also really did vote me most likely to be indited for crimes against humanity, so my character and sense of humor was widely enough understood that none of the voters will be surprised.

    Day 14 post civilization: All play and work-at-home and no going anywhere makes Bob go crazy. -ier. Maybe you can tell a difference when you squint.

    • Nothing really works to make BlueJay all that impressive.
      And I didn’t go to school in Hanford, so no Bomber.
      (Really, is there any greater HS name/logo – mushroom cloud.)

      • True fact, several years ago, some folks, including a teacher at Richland High School water to change the name because they thought it might be offensive to Japanese-Americans. Fortunately sanity prevailed and they are still the Bombers complete with mushroom cloud logo.

  11. Banana Bread Scorpion. I sound like some heavy metal band decided to start a cooking show…

    As to the inevitable “Why do you have a shovel in the back of your truck?” question, well, I’ll let the shovel speak for itself (Whammmm.)

    Homeschoolers could use this time to teach all sorts of things, like Career Day. Do one on Hotel management. Make them all cleaning staff…

    Perfect time to teach them Civil Engineering. Have them dig 2 holes 6′ deep by about 7 feet long and 3 feet wide. In the front yard.

    Next day assemble one of those pole pavilions over the holes, put side screens up to block the view from the road.

    Next day have them put all sorts of organic disposables in cardboard boxes, then place the cardboard boxes in the hole, filling up 3′ of the bottom. Cover with dirt, replace sod. Take pavilion down.

    Put up a sign next to the holes that says, “NEXT.”

    • That’s disturbing and wrong and I’m trying hard not to do it and have so much explaining to do.

  12. Eggs-over-easy Kewpie! It’s kind of a longish story, and I don’t wanna irritate that many pixels.

  13. I don’t think I’ll be switching my moniker to the Roast Beef Sandwich Falcon anytime soon.

  14. Princessa Timberwolf. It’s a good thing I’m a woman!

    Princessa is a bar snack/ street food in Bulgaria. It’s sort of like their answer to Croque Monsieur or grilled cheese. Anyway, I was peckish and decided to see if I could recreate some of the foods we discovered in our travels. It came out pretty much like I remember.

  15. All good ones!

    Potato chips. I constantly crave potato chips. I’m gonna gain 50 lbs.

  16. Does it count as spotlighting or Castle doctrine, when the deer pounds on your door?

  17. SO, on that homeschooling by daydrinkers? Seems a lot more is gonna tossed out of the curriculum than has gotten tossed out of “laws and regs in the way.”

    “Common core math? Bullshit. Let me show you how to really add, multiply, and divide. It don’t need no 14 step diagrammed *bleep*.”

    “Is this supposed to be a history book or a fantasy novel? It’s the worst fiction I’ve ever read. Captain America does a better job on history than this!”

    …My father has reported, in the course of replacing water heaters and fixing other emergencies, that he’s getting to hear a lot of angry women rant “Is this all your school is teaching you?”
    …said angry women range from doctor’s wives to a single mom who waitresses at Waffle House. Lotta pissed off parents out there!