So you get humor…

– Good judgment comes from bad experience … and most of that comes from bad judgment (assuming you survive the first iteration).
– Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
– Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
– Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
– The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
– It’s always darkest before dawn, so if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
– Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

– Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
– Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
– If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
– Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
– If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
– Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
– If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
– If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
– Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.