I got nuttin…

So you get humor…

– Good judgment comes from bad experience … and most of that comes from bad judgment (assuming you survive the first iteration).
– Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
– Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
– Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
– The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
– It’s always darkest before dawn, so if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
– Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

– Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
– Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
– If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
– Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
– If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
– Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
– If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
– If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
– Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.


Comments

I got nuttin… — 11 Comments

  1. When a coworker asks for the loan of a dollar, always give them the dollar.
    It is a very cheap price to find out what their character is like.
    (Variation of the 20 dollar rule)

    All good ones.

  2. “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”

    Big Yep on that. And you have a clear conscious to boot.

  3. “If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.” That certainly explains some of the bosses that have been inflicted on me.

    • Jim – look at it from their perspective: YOU were inflicted on them 😉
      Full disclosure – BTDT – on both sides 🙁

  4. A variation on your ‘bug – windscreen’ –
    Sometimes you’re the pigeon, other times you’re the statue.

  5. My unofficial motto when I worked as a Radiological Protection Technician: If you see me running try to keep up. Amazing how many friends you have when the High Radiation alarm goes off unexpectedly, and you have a Geiger Counter in your hand. P.S. the alarm was false but we didn’t know that at the time.

  6. John- Yep!

    jrg- Exactly, but I suck at remembering names… (looking down at nametag) 😉

    Jim- So true!

    Frank- Good one!

    NRW- Ah yes, the ‘false alarm’… S**t happens and the dumb ones are going “Whazzat?” while everybody else runs!

    • “the dumb ones are going “Whazzat?” while everybody else runs!”
      We had a Broken Arrow when somebody dropped a “special” missile that luckily only popped chaff. Nowhere to run on a ship… (full disclosure: I wasn’t yet onboard and “I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of nuclear weapons onboard”)

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