They say…

If you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything… So you get humor…

“Best” headlines of 2007…

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.  It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!  They put in a correction the next day.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

No, really?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Now that’s taking things a bit far!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

See if that works any better than a fair trial!

War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect!

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Ya think?!

 

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought!

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?!

Oklahoma’s construction program!

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

He probably IS the battery charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Weren’t they fat enough?!

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

That’s what he gets for eating those beans!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Do they taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is….

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?

+++++++++

Daffynitions

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

 

and MY Personal Favorite!!

 

WRINKLES: Something other people have, similar to my character lines.


Comments

They say… — 11 Comments

  1. All good ones.

    I will add,
    ADVICE: Something I give to others, but don’t listen when I give it to myself.

  2. seen at an Austin Tire shop a few years ago: If it’s in stock, we’ve got it!

    and for those chemistry geeks to appreciate: Sign on ‘green’ dry cleaners: We use only ORGANIC solvents!

  3. I’m an adult who’s trying to shrink in the middle, lol. My youngest is 7, can I still call it baby weight?

  4. True story: In my home town there was a building owned by the Ast family. A part of it was to be refurbished. The newspaper headline read something like: “Work begins on Half Ast building.” I’d never seen my mom laugh so hard!

  5. Small town I used to live in had weekly paper that ‘specialized’ in a column citing daffynitions and other silly headlines – most came from police dispatch calls………………
    I still refer to raisins as ‘dehydrated grapes’ 😉

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.