If you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything… So you get humor…
“Best” headlines of 2007…
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No, really?
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that’s taking things a bit far!
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s!
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?!
Oklahoma’s construction program!
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren’t they fat enough?!
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That’s what he gets for eating those beans!
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
And the winner is….
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
+++++++++
Daffynitions
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
and MY Personal Favorite!!
WRINKLES: Something other people have, similar to my character lines.
All good ones.
I will add,
ADVICE: Something I give to others, but don’t listen when I give it to myself.
+1
seen at an Austin Tire shop a few years ago: If it’s in stock, we’ve got it!
and for those chemistry geeks to appreciate: Sign on ‘green’ dry cleaners: We use only ORGANIC solvents!
I’m an adult who’s trying to shrink in the middle, lol. My youngest is 7, can I still call it baby weight?
John/WSF- Oh yeah… LOL
Tom- Snerk…
JMI- Close enough for government work!
True story: In my home town there was a building owned by the Ast family. A part of it was to be refurbished. The newspaper headline read something like: “Work begins on Half Ast building.” I’d never seen my mom laugh so hard!
I forgot what I was reading, turned to get my coffee, started reading again, and almost lost another keyboard.
Chip- LOL
Ed- Hehehe
Small town I used to live in had weekly paper that ‘specialized’ in a column citing daffynitions and other silly headlines – most came from police dispatch calls………………
I still refer to raisins as ‘dehydrated grapes’ 😉
Gomez- LOL
Thanks for the smile