Snerk…

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

& Law of Mechanical Repair  After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

& Law of Gravity  Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

& Law of Probability  The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

& Law of Random Numbers  If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

& Law of the Alibi  If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

& Variation Law  If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

& Law of the Bath  When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

& Law of Close Encounters The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

& Law of the Result  When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

& Law of Biomechanics  The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

& Law of the Theater  At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

& The Starbucks Law  As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

& Murphy’s Law of Lockers  If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

& Law of Physical Surfaces  The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

& Law of Logical Argument Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

& Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

& Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking A closed mouth gathers no feet.

& Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy  As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

& Doctors’ Law If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.


Comments

Snerk… — 12 Comments

  1. The Law of the irreproduceable problem: A chronic problem (mechanical, code execution, etc) will be impossible to reproduce when an expert debugger is present.

  2. Wilson’s law is why when we find something that we like, a particular shoe, or a deoderant or toothpaste, we buy several of said item.

    Of course, talking cheap Walmart shoes here, not expensive Italian loafers or something.

  3. You forgot the law of RBH ROVING BLACK HOLEs

    Anything you drop that is important will disappear into a Roving Black Hole to remain hidden while you desperately need that item and only will reappear when you do not need it any more. These RBH exist in laundry rooms (the dryer did not that sock) garages (that special screw that only comes in un-obtanium from a special temple in Tibet) or with any kit from Ikea…..

    This phenomena is sporadic and short term and appear and disappear at random.

    • Ergo why I have a dozen coping saws, six or so framing squares and half a dozen chalk boxes.

  4. Hey Old NFO;

    The Socks disappearing is explainable…there is an “alpha” sock and a “Beta” sock, during the drying feature, the alpha sock eats the beta sock and farts the remainder out as lint, that is why your lint trap is full and you are missing a sock……See? easily explainable.

  5. It ia a little known fact that when the dryer spins up, under certain circumstances it creates an electromagnetic field that causes a small rift in the fabric of time and space. That is why one of a pair of socks sometimes disappears. Then, after you throw away the remaining sock because it has no mate, the missing one will eventually reappear because you caught up to it in time. Then you end up having to throw that one out because you threw away its mate.

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