A little humor…

To start the week…

Since the weather is warming up, it’s time to get the sticks out…

Golfers Creed

Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.

Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during
your swing.

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one
more club or two more balls.

If you’re afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome
ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can
immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and
top a ball halfway there..

The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas
about the golf swing.

No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of
the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for
all of your many other errors

Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents’ luck.

It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt … For a 10 on that
hole.

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like
expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts

It’s not a gimme if you’re still away.

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a
straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large
tree.

You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90%
of the time.

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a
much earlier age.

Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually
the beginning of the next group of three.

When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again
at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you
ever want to see it again.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple
boges to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to
lay up just short of a water hazard.

To calculate the speed of a player’s downswing, multiply the speed of
his back-swing by his handicap; i.e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap 15,
downswing = 300 mph.

One of my personal favorites:
There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the
top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have,
and which one is wearing the glove.

Hazards attract; fairways repel.

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours..

If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is
in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the
footprint

It’s easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the
yard

A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up
the game.

Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up
having to pray a lot.

A good golf partner is one who’s always slightly worse than you
are….that’s why I get so many calls to play with friends.

If there’s a storm rolling in, you’ll be having the game of your life.

Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white. They’re sold by the dozen. And
you need to buy fresh ones each week.

It’s amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will
replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a
seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).

It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a
brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don’t get to ride around on a cart,
drink beer, eat hot dogs and fart if you are performing Brain
Surgery!!!!


Comments

A little humor… — 11 Comments

  1. “It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon.”

    But almost ALL brain surgeons make more money than almost ALL golfers.

  2. Hah! I got away from golf. Figured out that the same amount of digging in sand and dirt meant I could grow the peppers I really like – the ones that Bambi and co. won’t go through, to get the tomatoes. The only water hazard is now a two-week dry spell.

    … oh, yeah – only God can hit a 1-iron. Really don’t stay out when it storms.

  3. Wake up America, enough is enough. It’s time for us to stand up to the delusional people, the Socialist crowd, and the sick Progressives who want to destroy this country, and turn it into the Shit-Hole that we are already seeing in San Francisco, Portland, Chicago and other American Cities that have gone down the Leftist Tubes.
    It hight time that you ALL realize that Joe Biden lied to you when he said he was a moderate. Firstly he is a member of the “Walking Dead” and secondly he is not a moderate by any means. You would have been better with that filthy communist Bernie Sanders. At least he is not someone other than who he really is.

    It is a sad day in America when a major political party knowingly nominates and promotes a mentally impaired individual to the United States Presidency. Even sadder still when some behind-the-scene advisor shoves a note in front of a cogitatively disabled senior citizen, and he mouths words he may not know to be untrue. But the greatest sadness of all comes from the mainstream media that knowingly, and constantly repeats those lies to the American people like they did when hey held back the entire news about Hunter Biden’s Laptop . And ALL the other news, and events about that Crack-Head, and his Father Mr. “Big Guy”.

    And how about the Main Stream Leftist Media? They would be comical, if what they are doing if it wasn’t true! But it’s surely pathetic, to see these Socialist liberals pretending that they suddenly care, and “Give a Damn” about our people in uniform, especially our Brave Men and Women in Blue! Because a handful of Trump protestors and even more Antifa thugs dressed as Trump supporters assaulted 1- or 2 police officers during the January 6 riot at the Capitol building. Where Was the Liberal Concern for “Our Men in Uniform” when leftist rioters assaulted DOZENS OF POLICE OFFICERS, and even Killed a Police Officer, and Killed a Retired Police Officer while he was guarding a friends store so that those IDIOTIC “PROTESTERS” didn’t destroy his friends store and it’s contents! So they KILLED him instead! Where were all those Bleeding Heart Liberals when they Seriously Injured Dozens of Police Officers, Burned Police Cars, and Trashed a Police Building During the George Floyd Riots Last Summer? And those Democratic Mayors, and Governors told the Police to “STAND DOWN” Stand Down while they were pelted with Bricks, and other harmful Crap!

    Liberals, Why Were You Silent when your anti-American leftist buddies were Killing Cops, Wounding Cops, Burning Cop Cars, and Trashing a Police Building Last Summer? How about the 19 Other People Who Were Killed by Your Rioting Leftist Buddies During the Riots? “Acceptable Casualties for Social Justice”?.
    Are we supposed to suddenly believe that you Care about the Cops? After you voted to DE-FUND the Police?
    Now, you are the same people that are demanding that there should have been more police at the Capitol Building and every other place that any Violence occurs.
    It’s really ironic. Would you want Social Workers on the front lines to stop this Violence? Or perhaps Miss Alexandria Ocasio Cortez will come to your defense? Or maybe we could “DISMANTLE” the Police force entirely, and have Black Live Matter protect you?
    What the Hell, New York’s Mayor Bill di Blasio allow them to paint “Black Live Matter” in Large Yellow Lettering right on NY’s Fifth Avenue and he even took part in it. Only because of his Hatred towards Donald Trump!

  4. I originally had no interest in being a golfer.

    Then I read a nice thing by Kim du Toit about golf’s virtues as originally played in Scotland, on rough terrain in inclement weather.

    Now I really have no interest in being a golfer. 🙂

    Jokes are not changing my mind about how well suited I am for it. If I had the time and money to spend, and wanted to do something I am bad at, and will always be bad at, fancy video games are a wee bit less certain to upset my allergies.

    Might possibly have something to do with being in such bad physical condition. Which reminds me, I need to take a walk, and make my allergies worse.

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