This one came over the transom from the Mil e-mail net…


LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

LAW OF GRAVITY: Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF PROBABILITY: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

LAW OF RANDOM NUMBERS: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

VARIATION LAW: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

LAW OF THE BATH: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

LAW OF THE THEATRE & FOOTBALL: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

THE COFFEE LAW: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

MURPHY’S LAW OF LOCKERS: If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

LAW OF PHYSICAL SURFACES: The chances of an open-faced sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

LAW OF LOGICAL ARGUMENT: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

BROWN’S LAW OF PHYSICAL APPEARANCE: If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

OLIVER’S LAW OF PUBLIC SPEAKING: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

WILSON’S LAW OF COMMERCIAL MARKETING STRATEGY: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

DOCTORS’ LAW: If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better.. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.

And that’s on a GOOD day, when nothing else is going wrong… sigh


Truth… — 15 Comments

  1. Always try and start a Monday with some chuckles – this one made it easy.

    Thank you.

  2. Every

    Unless of course you try to show someone the rules, and then they don’t work at all.

  3. This list sound like corollaries to Murphy’s Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.

    Now to bayour enaissance man for his Monday memes.

  4. No project is impossible to the boss who doesn’t have to do it.

    • A boss’ or client’s favorite question: can it be done?

      My standard reply: With enough time and resources anything can be done.

      After enough of the above circus, they learned to not ask that question.

  5. All- Thanks for the comments! Carlton- Yeah…dammit…

    Posted from my iPhone as I wait for my VA appointment.

  6. Law of Locations and Replacements:
    Any item you need will be lost or packed away, for the duration of that need. Once it is replaced or no longer needed, that item will multiply and copies will turn up everywhere you already searched when you needed it.

  7. LAW OF THE BATH: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. THIS is why I use a shower, and NO PHONE in the bathroom.

    THE COFFEE LAW: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. I don’t drink coffee. Yep! 20 years in the USAF and coffee has never touched my lips, or my gullet

    BROWN’S LAW OF PHYSICAL APPEARANCE: If the clothes fit, they’re ugly. (See: Uniforms.)

  8. Any pre-packaged piece of furniture will contain N pieces of hardware. Assembly will require N+1 pieces of hardware.

  9. Any spare part or useful thing that was in storage for months, or even years, is needed the day after being thrown or given away.

  10. Laws of Readiness:
    No combat-ready unit will pass inspection
    No Inspection-ready unit is fit for combat

    But: any inspector not in your chain of command can probably be ignored.

  11. Kermit- Unless it’s a @#%# 10MM socket…

    Sam- Wow…I can’t survive without coffeeeeeee

    TXRed- Sigh, oh so true!

    Jaime- Oh hell yes… grumble…

    Rick- True dat!!!