Tired of the usual crap so… You get humor…
A man owned a small ranch near San Antonio . The Texas labour Department got a tip that he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an investigator out to interview him.
“I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded
“Well,” replied the rancher, “there’s my ranch hand who’s been with me
for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week plus free room and board.
“The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week plus
free room and board.
“Then there’s the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does
about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board.
But, I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night, and he also sleeps
with my wife occasionally.”
“That’s the guy I want to talk to … the half-wit,” says the investigator.
“That would be me,” replied the rancher.
And since we’re talking about Texas/ranchers…
An Old Farmer’s/Rancher’s/Chuck Wagon Cook’s Advice:
* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight And bull-strong.
*Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
*Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor .
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered…not yelled.
* Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
* It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
* You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
* Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get Older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
* Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever Have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a Lotta that comes from bad judgment.
* Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot Easier than puttin’ it back in.
* If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some Influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
*Never fight with a woman. You’ll lose.
* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
- Don’t pick a fight with an old man, if he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.