How about some humor???

Tired of the usual crap so… You get humor…

A man owned a small ranch near San Antonio . The Texas labour Department got a tip that he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an investigator out to interview him.

“I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded
the investigator.

“Well,” replied the rancher, “there’s my ranch hand who’s been with me
for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week plus free room and board.

“The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week plus
free room and board.

“Then there’s the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does
about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board.

But, I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night, and he also sleeps
with my wife occasionally.”

“That’s the guy I want to talk to … the half-wit,” says the investigator.

“That would be me,” replied the rancher.

And since we’re talking about Texas/ranchers…

An Old Farmer’s/Rancher’s/Chuck Wagon Cook’s Advice:

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight And bull-strong.

*Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

*Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor .

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered…not yelled.

* Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.

* Don’t judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get Older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.

* Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

* The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever Have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a Lotta that comes from bad judgment.

* Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot Easier than puttin’ it back in.

* If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some Influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.

*Never fight with a woman.  You’ll lose.

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

  • Don’t pick a fight with an old man, if he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.


How about some humor??? — 13 Comments

  1. All good and sound advice.

    I understand the rancher’s viewpoint once I substitute “repairman” for “rancher.”

  2. Copied the rancher to my 3 sons, to whom it is applicable. Hah!!

  3. * Always drink upstream from the herd.

    About that drinking upstream ~ When I was in Jr. High School a group of us guys went camping beside a local creek. I knew if we boiled the water for our coffee in the morning we could dip it out of the creek and not use the little bit of canteen water we still had, so we did. Nice hot cowboy coffee at sunup and then we decided to do a bit of hiking and less than 50 yards upstream, and downwind, we came across a partially rotting dead sheep half in and half out of the creek and our coffee that was inside of did not taste so good anymore.

    The moral to this story is be careful doing that cowboy stuff without checking upstream, a long, long ways upstream. We also used to think it was ok to drink clear, cold, fast running water, not so much anymore.

    • First heard about upstream water from a John Wayne movie. Makes total sense

  4. John- Point! 🙂

    Ed- yep, pay raise…

    OG- Of course!

    Bob- LOL

    OldTex- Ummm… yeah… but at least you boiled it first!

  5. “*Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.”
    Dynamite is funner…so long as you stand at least 300 feet away…and upwind.

  6. * Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

    I might have had this advice stored somewhere in my brain, but was frequently too distracted to be able to access it when it was most needed.
    Perhaps I should have it printed on a T-shirt; but then, I’d have to start doing laundry more frequently.

  7. The advice about the skunks applies to both the 4 legged and the 2 legged variety……………

  8. As Delusional Joey Biden is asking for his “MOM” …
    Has America has become an Elder Abusive Nation.?
    Yesterday, as the “President” was speaking in the Rose Garden he said “ :by the way, where’s Mom? “Is she here” Oh, She’s watching at home, oh, I was going to ask her to stand up. But, if Mom if you’re watching at home, you can’t stand up”
    Good Grief, the senile Old Moron has finally flipped his lid!

    Now we have to wonder if she was among the other 81 millions of dead people who voted for Joe last year! WHERE ARE THOSE FACT CHECKER WHEN WE REALLY NEED THEM?